Allowing myself to reflect on the past is sometimes quite emotional. I can reflect on the past 8 years much better than I can the past 15. Reflecting on life before my trauma is still quite upsetting. I think back to the person I was and how much innocence and joy I had. Pure, 100% pure and raw innocence. I've lost it all. I have nothing left and that's hard for me.
"The first time is the worst.' How many times have we all heard that line? It's usually uttered when you are about to embark on a new journey, take a step, face a fear, perform some kind of action that you have never experienced before. We've been told time and time again that the first time is always the worst but I have to disagree.
It's okay to have shitty days. It's okay to struggle. No one is perfect, we all have emotions and they sometimes get the better of us. This new journey I am on has taken me to emotional places that have to this day, have been unchartered waters. I have not tread for my life through these waters and I'm learning that it's okay.
Today is October 26th, another pivotal day in my life. A day in which another new journey begins. A day in which there is heartbreak and sadness but also a breath of new life. Today is my last day in this house. I have lived here a little over 2 years but it has never felt like a home to me.
October 15th has come and gone and yet there was no post about it. One of the saddest days in my life and no post to reflect on why that day holds so much meaning for me. The day in which I talk about Ty and Jacob and baby unknown. A day of loss, a day of sadness, a day of reflection and remembrance. A day in which I have powerful, resilient words to share with everyone and give them hope, but not this year.
Plot Twist!!!! My life has been full of plot twists. Not always pleasant ones, but they have happened nonetheless. At every turn I try to look at the challenges and find opportunities to grow. It's not easy. I have hard days, lots of them but I keep on going. When hard times hit, I say to myself, Plot Twist and move on.
Thanksgiving is approaching, the time of year when we all take a minute to talk about what we are thankful for. You may think you don’t have anything to be thankful for in the midst of you grief, but don’t worry, society will list off a bunch of things you should be thankful for instead of allowing you to sit in your grief.
Tacos, they are the way to my soul, well one of the ways. Books and special need cats are the other ways but tacos taste better. For those who do not know me, tacos are my food. I could live off of tacos. The best part about tacos is that even when dairy and gluten free, they still taste delicious! Can't say that about everything dairy and gluten free...ahem...pizza.
I sit here, head and heart pounding. Shots of pain run through my neck up to the top of my head. I sit here thinking how did I get here? What lead me here? I never expected to be here, a single mom at 34 going through a divorce but here I sit. I await my turn in court. I’ve waited 11 months for this moment and it’s here. It will be a long day of waiting, #17 of 18.
The sun was shining, the autumn air was nipping. My hands were at 10 and 2. My breathing was suttle, my heart beating at a normal rate. Every kilometer that passed increased my heart rate. My hands started to shake, my mind started to wander. I started to gasp for air. I felt faint. The closer I got the more intense the panic and fear of the unknown became. I second guessed continuing to drive to my destination.
All Of My Children
Connect With Me
This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:
Current Number Of Columns are = 2
Expand Posts Area =
Gap/Space Between Posts = 10px
Blog Post Style = card
Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1
Blog Post Card Background Color = current color
Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color
Blog Post Card Border Color = current color
Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results