Stephen and I were talking on New Years about our goals for 2014. We don't really set "resolutions" because as most know, those never stick. Instead, we plan out goals for that year. Truthfully, we haven't really made plans the last three years but this year, for 2014 we decided our goals would be about us. Not only as a couple but as individuals as well. 2010 was all about Ty. We found out shortly into 2010 that we were going to be parents so our goals focused around Ty and our pregnancy. But then Ty died and we were left lost and struggling.
2011 came, again, we found out shortly into 2011 that we were yet again pregnant so that year became all about Jacob. When we found out about Jacob's diagnosis, everything seemed irrelevant and all we cared about was doing whatever we could for him. But then Jacob died and I hit rock bottom with no clear way out.
2012 came and we decided to try and get back on our feet. Having had the boys die only 11 months apart, it was a lot for us and we knew we needed some time to get our heads straight and our feet back on the ground. All we planned on was surviving. Our goal was to survive life. Mid way through the year, we found out we were expecting again and everything became about that pregnancy. Nothing else mattered, nothing else was important. For the third time, we put everything else on hold. 2012 became about Bee.
2013 then showed up and we were blessed with our miracle. Of course 2013 was all about Bee. It was about us becoming a family, us learning how to parent, us dealing with the trials and tribulations of parenthood and grief combined in one. Nothing mattered but Bee so again, anything else was put on the back burner.
That brings us to 2014. Bee is here, alive and doing well. We are finally starting to get some clear head space, so what do we want? We want time for us as a couple. We've never really had us time. We've never really established an us because we were pregnant 7 months after meeting. Then Ty and Jacob died and we dealt with that. Now Bee is here and we had to figure all of that our. So we want to become an us. We want to do things for us. Not only as a couple though because the last few years have changed us as people and we need to figure out who we are and what we believe in. We need to figure out where we want to go in life and how to help support each other as individuals. We need to establish an identity and we have to figure out what we may want that to be. We decided on our birthdays this year we'd treat ourselves. We would get a few things we want, pick where we want to eat, pick what dessert we want, it will be about us. My birthday is coming up and I already have plans for me.
A lot of people may think it sounds selfish for us to be thinking about us but we never have and I think it's just as important in a family relationship to have an identity. You have to take care of you to add your part to the family. You have to know who you are and what you believe in to help build your family identity but after all we have been through, we are lost. So this year it is about us. We will define ourselves as individuals and as a couple. We have a lot of work a head of us but it's time we start working on it. So here is to getting to know who we are, inside and out.