Here we are 21 weeks down 15 to go. I don't feel like its much of an accomplishment, those off weeks don't feel like much. To be honest I have my eyes set on 24 so I don't think 22 or 23 will see all that successful either. I do know it still is an accomplishment to have made it this far and not lost my shit yet, well not completely at least. We are steadfast and holding strong. I will admit, on days like today when I have stomach pain I do worry even though I know it's mostly related to a growing belly or gas. But every little thing worries me. Not enough to rush to the doctors or L&D at this point but enough to make my heart start to race.
I've been on a huge guilt trip lately and trying to fix it. With Bee I have no appetite. I don't crave much and I don't feel like eating much. Each pregnancy in this aspect has been different. With Ty all I wanted was fruits and veggies, I could not get enough and with Jacob all I wanted was sweets...okay with Jacob I wanted everything, there wasn't much I wouldn't eat. But with Bee it has changed again. I thought once morning sickness went away I'd pile on the pounds from over eating, but I haven't. This morning the scale informed me I had gained 7 pounds total with Bee and if you see me, you know its ALL baby. Even when I managed to eat it's not always the healthiest and that has put me on a huge guilt trip.
It's not like I eat McDonalds hamburger and fries everyday, egg McMuffins maybe but not anything else. In fact I had my first and last McChicken a few weeks ago and got McSick from it and that has completely turned me off of McDonald's, even the crack laced fries have no appeal to me. In fact nothing meat related really has me these days. I suppose it could also be from the guilt. We know Bee will be here early, 36-37 weeks if all goes according to plan, which you all know never has for us so we don't really know and now it is getting to me. I need to do everything I possibly can to make sure this little one has all the nutrients needed to grow so that whenever Bee makes herim (my new word for her and him) appearance herim has a fighting chance. I want Bee to be a big baby, given coming from Stephen and I that isn't that likely but if I can start making sure I am getting veggies and fruit even if I literally have to gag them down, my guilt is making me do it.
I think the biggest issue with everything is the lack of energy I have. Again, this has been different in all 3 pregnancies. With Ty I was exhausted until about 14 weeks, Jacob I felt fantabulous and now, 21 weeks I'm still struggling to keep my eyes open on a daily basis which makes preparing anything hard which means lots of food being picked up, though I know that is not an excuse for less then top quality food (hence my forced eating of Subway now - DONT WORRY, I only get veggies subs as I know deli meat is a no no during pregnancy)
And, photos will be up in a few weeks as we are getting some special maternity ones done today...one of many shoots I am sure. Oh...my new glasses also came in...LOVE THEM!!!! Just need to get them readjusted and pick up my purple sunglasses. It's so nice to be able to see clearly without a gazillion scratches.