Today marks day two of no morning sickness, add on top a lot of cramping and a horrible amount of fear. I had a dream last night I was bleeding again. Can we say that today I am terrified? I'm debating whether or not to go to the hospital to just check Bee out. I just don't think my morning sickness would have ended abruptly at 9 1/2 weeks. It just doesn't seem right and now to be this crampy. I've drinking some water and going to lay down to see if it helps but in the pit of my stomach I fear something is wrong. Of course I fear something is wrong, of course my mind can't wrap its thoughts around this just being a normal part of being pregnant, no, it always ends in the worst case scenario because that is all I know. I don't think I am going to make it two more weeks without going to the doctors. If I was still feeling really sick and not crampy I'd be okay but now, now I'm terrified. I'm worried that before most of you even know about Bee she will be gone. Please God, please let Bee be okay and let this be nothing more than normal pregnancy issues. I can't take another loss, my heart wont be able to handle it, please keep Bee safe!
On a side note I just booked another interview, maybe 3rd time will be the charm. I can only hope so. The longer I go the more I am going to be showing and as horrible as this sounds, I keep thinking I'm having a missed miscarriage and that if I do it'll still be okay because I'll still have a new job to go back to and focus on (and we will NOT be trying again if we loose this one) So I do hope I get this job.
*Update - Okay so after a long debate we decided we'd head to the ER (one of many I am sure) We got there and it was busy but I figured I'd get checked in and they usually take pregnant women quicker then some. It didn't, we weren't even fully registered (they normally have 3 nurses but there was only 1) and it had taken over an hour. We were informed it would take until midnight to get in (so about 5 hours) and then who knows how long for ultrasound. After the homeless guy got out of his wheel chair and peed all over the place and the police brought in some guy who stabbed someone we decided it was best to leave and just call our high risk OB in the morning. I know they can get me into ultrasound and if he's there tomorrow I know he'll let me pop in quickly and he'll probably take a quick look. I don't know how well I will sleep tonight but I guess there isn't much I can do but pray. I'm still extremely crampy and still have no side effects (I didn't even take diclectin today and I feel fine) and feel something is wrong but I think I rather hear it from my doctor anyways. This is going to be a very long pregnancy if Bee is still hanging in! And as for the city of London, you REALLY need to work on opening a second ER because one ER for 350,000 people just does NOT work!
9weeks 5 days: I woke up this morning feeling rather ill (YAHHHHH) I decided not to take a diclectin last night since I hadn't seemed to need them the last two days, however, I think the progesterone gives me an upset tummy so I did end up getting up in the middle of the night to take one, but I only took one not two. So I woke up feeling sick, sensitive to smells, gagging like usual and most of the cramping has stopped. I'm still have some tummy pain but I think it's from being so stretched and bloated yesterday and gassy today. As of right now we decided not to go into the doctors. Yes, I'm pretty impressed with myself too but we'll see if that changes as the day goes on. I'm really just going to trust that his is normal for this pregnancy and try to hold out the 1 1/2 more weeks until we see Bee next. Unless my body tells me before then that something is wrong.
I ended up having to call EI to have them escalate my file (surprise surprise right?) She said they will call within two days and if they don't I can't call back until Monday and then they will try to get someone that day. How about since you f'ed up you just take care of this now, because of your mistake everything is now messed up and it's causing a lot more stress and frustration then I really care to deal with. I am REALLY trying not to stress as it's not "good" for the baby, or so some studies have said, others said otherwise but I know overall it's not good for me so I'm really trying to be level headed about everything.
We have to do laundry today and I have to take Milo to the vet's but in between I'm really going to try and rest. Drink lots of water like I have been and just rest. See if I can get this pain to go away completely. I'm still terrified something is wrong but thanks to my gagging this morning I feel a bit better. We'll see if I last until noon before I call the dr's!
*Update - I ended up going into the doctors, lol, I knew if I didn't I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else (and there are other things that need my attention) so we went and one reason I love my doctor is because he doesn't make me feel stupid. He said he totally understood why I had to come in, that my anxiety is very high and he is so supportive. We got to see little Bee (no pics but Bee actually is starting to look like a human) strong heartbeat and measured 9w3d and I'm 9w5d (but that is a + or - of 3 days since I don't know exactly when I ovulated) so Bee is growing right on track and now I can be thankful most of my symptoms have seemed to subside for the time being. Our next appointment (which will be the big reveal afterwords) is Wednesday July 18th at 9am. Ultrasound followed by bloodwork followed by a visit with the Dr and a visit with the social worker, I'll be there half the day. This is also an issue I am having. I probably will be in every two weeks for an appointment and a social worker visit which could be up to 3 hours. This is why I really need a part time job and I'll see how this job pans out tomorrow but I'm really starting to think either going back to HP or only looking for part time would be the best option. I have a lot of guilt wanting to start someplace new but then needing so much time off. I don't know if I will be supported or how I will be treated at a new place but at least I know what to expect (not the best) when I go back to where I was before. I have a lot of decisions coming up that need to be made but now that I know Bee is okay for the time being, it clears my mind up a bit more.
Also, almost 10 weeks in and I have only gained 2.6 lbs (probably because I can't eat much)