For the first time ever I am speechless. I sit here wanting to write but I have no words. My mind is silent. It's receded into the dark depths of my head. I am overwhelmed. For someone who has PTSD this is way more than I feel like I can handle clearly.
So many conflictions, so many life changing events happening. I don't know what to feel or think or even where to go.
For those who do not know, I posted my "I Am Strong" story on Birth Without Fear this past weekend. It went viral. I now have over 700,000 likes, over 200,000 shares and 60,000 comments (which I will read through) I have been send many request for media, publicity and an onslaught of people wanting to send things in memory of the boys.
My youtube video now has over 40,000 views. This video includes pictures of the boys after they passed. I am scared. I am scared about the hurtful comments because I know there are some. But, I chose to look at those few hurtful comments as nothing more then people crying out for help. There may be a few hurtful comments but I have inspired thousands. I am moving mountains and I have to focus on that.
This is all happening so quickly, my body is in overload. I don't know what to do. I am scared.
All I really want to do is keep living our humble little life. Next week my Godson is being born, that's all I really care about right now. I care about helping Bee through this terrible teething. I care about seeing my parents next weekend and getting out to doors open London. My quiet little life that I am so blessed to have.
But at the same time, I know there is a reason I was chosen to do this. There is a reason my story went viral. There is a reason I was chosen to be the face for us warriors of angels. I don't know the reason and however thought I have the strength to do this was pretty gutsy. I know I have to do this, not only for me and my boys but for the millions of mothers who have gone through what I have.
In addition to that, I am feverishly working on my new blog: http://babysnest.blogspot.ca/
I have had pretty good response to it and quite a few companies offering to help. I emailed over 100 companies and trying to sort through my spreadsheet to keep everything clear is hard when I have 58,000 emails my inbox.
I am a mess inside. So many things are conflicting. I never imagined when I asked Ty and Jacob to make the weeks in between their birthdays into something big that they would go this big. I am speechless.
I do apologize if this blog is a bit neglected, though writing is my out, I may need to recede back writing everything out.