So it turns out I have a lot of free time, add that with not being able to sleep and using the community computer works out well. No other women seem to be up at 6:30 so this is my time. I will start by saying that I forgot how hard it is to be in the hospital. To be completely honest, I don't even really want to be here, I much rather be at home with my family. Being at the hospital is emotionally, mentally and physcially challening and exhausting. The first few days have been tough but I remember now that that's what it was like last time I was here. However, this time I REALLY just ant to be at home and I almost was for another week. Friday at our appointment (all went well, Bee is 5.2lbs and everything looks really good, still head down too) our doctor said "so I know we talked about you coming into the hospital, where aer things with that".....I paused and what I really wanted to say was "I think I'll be okay for another week" because in all honesty that's how I feel. I feel I could manage at home one more week but deep down inside, I know it is absolute best for me to be here and having Bee checked every day. So here I am, stuck in a place I don't really ant to be, but it's the best situation for Bee.
I didn't sleep a wink the first night, it was horrible. I tried to nap yesterday but it was unsuccessful. Thankfully, the food has been decent since I arrived. I'm just waiting for that one bad meal (which may be lunch or dinner tonight from what I vaguely remember) Having so much time has really lead me to reflect a lot on things in life, which isn't always a good thing. It takes me to dark places sometimes and then the why's and what if's start to happen and then the guilt sets in. But for the most part I just sit and think. I'ev also become addicted to playing Yatzee on my phone, I swear it is biased towards discobot because he ALWAYS gets Yatzee's and I never do. Either way, it keeps me entertained because time passes very slowly here, there aren't nearly enough distractions like there is at home. It's going to be a long two weeks. I'm going to have to take at least one LOA before Bee's arrival. I hear my little Moo is not handling things well, walking around meowing all day looking for me (and yes my husbands mean and tells me these things because I don't feel bad enough as is) and for my sanity I think I need to go home once and check in on the house (even for 2 or 3 hours) to make sure everything is set and in place.
Speaking of my husband, since he has decided to announce it to the world, I figure I might as well too. Bee will be born on Saturday January 12th. The day has been officially set. Still not sure which way Bee is going and won't know until that morning (I'm at odds now with doing a VBAC so I have some thinking to do the next few weeks) but either way, it will happen that day. Of course if I go VBAC and it takes longer then 12 hours there is a slight chance it will be on the 13th instead but the 12th is the latest date we will go. It scares me to go that far. It's beyond where we were with Ty and even all the extra monitoring will not make me feel better. I really pushed for 36 1/2 and I'm hoping Bee decides to come then anyways (I'm doing what I can to help that along but it does not seem to be working, guess my body is not ready)
I didn't get one of the rooms with the nice view but that may change today as I have to change rooms. My shower only likes to have cold water and I'll be damned if I am here two weeks and cannot have my morning hot showers. It is my time, my peace and relaxation, I need it for me. I may regert having to move if I get one of the crap rooms but hopefully I can score one of the nice rooms since I do have to be here a lot longer than the other women so I should get one of the suites.
Well breakfast is almost here so I am signing off for now. Please keep us in your prayers, January 12th cannot come soon enough....next up, we meet the pediatrician!