Today's appointment went well and unfortunately very quick (I was hoping to miss more work, have I mentioned how stressful it has become?) But alas, my doctor was on time today and not a lot of pregnant lady with millions of questions. Our Dr said there was of no concern as of yet. Other then the few hours and very little spotting I had Saturday morning, I've had nothing which is very reassuring. He said most likely I popped a blood vessel somewhere but Bee and everything else looked great so we'll just continue to wait and see. Obviously back to L&D if there is anymore. That was pretty much it, heard Bee's heartbeat, got measured and still haven't gained much weight (though if you saw the size of my belly you'd think I ate a hippo) but due to the extremely and very high risk nature of this pregnancy our awesome OB said to keep our appointment next week and we'd throw in an ultrasound to check on Bee. That means an entire day at the hospital next Wednesday between the 5 different appointments we have to go to, yes we have 5 appointments next week. We'll be there 8-4.
We have our app with our Dr, an app with our social worker, I have to get my glucose test and blood tests, ultrasound and the ever so fun pre-admission clinic. I am looking forward to everything (yes even the glucose test, I love that drink!) but the pre-admission clinic. I am absolutely DREADING this!!!!! Any pregnant lady who has had a lose should not be required to suffer through the horror that is this appointment. These appointments are for naive, innocent pregnant women. The ones who are all about natural this, natural that, get in the tub, get on the ball where as I am like, I don't give a fuck, just get this baby out safely anyway with any measures you have to. I know we'll have to explain our story, our choices will seem ever so odd, but even more so, we've already pretty much decided this will be a planned c-section and like I said, I don't care what they have to do to get Bee here safely, just do it!
The biggest issue I have is this appointment is one week away. I made a promise to myself that we would not even start talking about birth plans or anything birth related until 28 weeks. I will only be 27 weeks next week and though most would be like, well that's close enough, my heart is NOT ready. I do NOT want to talk about birth plans yet. Not only that, in our situation it is anything but easy to fill out a few forms and say, hope all goes well. How do you explain to them that you need people who can deal with an absolute basket case? To have someone by my side that will attend to all our needs and they extend far beyond anything discussed at this clinic. This clinic is honestly a waste of our time, we are by no means the "standard" forms people, we have critical things that need to be discussed with our doctor which we haven't done yet and we are not ready to have this appointment nor do I think we should even go. It is beyond their expertise and abilities to adapt to what we will require and need and our plan, well that has not even been discussed yet. We take it week by week and go no further.
I'm sitting here staring at the package absolutely dreading opening it. We've opened this package before with the naiveness and innocence, we filled out the forms thinking it was nothing, this was all a part of bringing a baby home but we never got to bring the baby home and everything has changed for us. I really do NOT want to fill out these forms but we must......not only that we have one week, a very busy one at that may I add, to come up with some sort of stupid birth plan. Again, it will most likely be a schedule c-section and again, I don't care how Bee makes it into this world as long as it is alive and healthy. That's our birth plan plain and simple, get Bee out alive and safely and make sure I don't die. But no, they require more. They want to know if we want a tub, a ball, a bar, soft music, people in and out to a limit....screw all that, I rather people be by my side the entire time and as for the other things, can't really use those when hooked up to the monitor 24/7.....
I am dreading filling out the forms, we have not talked about this and we aren't ready too and I am dreading the stupid appointment because I know it will be a disaster with many tears. They don't understand, they never will. Those forms do not apply to us, we have a very special case, it all just seems like such a joke to me. Like seriously, get real, why not have forms that say in event that babies heart beat stops...what to do then. That would be better! Ugh....one of those rainbow pregnancy things that just makes everything more complicated. At least the rest of the day will be good (or so I hope)