I have successfully found a way to keep Bee happy and still write my blog....baby wearing! I LOVE baby wearing and Bee loves her BabyHawk wrap so it works out well for both of us.
What have we been up to lately? Not much. As all of you know, Thursday was Valentines Day. You know how we celebrated? We did nothing, no cards, no candy, no dinner, no dressing Bee up, nothing and I have a tremendous amount of guilt for that. To be honest, I'm beyond exhausted and as much as I wouldn't have it any other way, it takes time to adjust to it. I was use to getting 10 hours of sleep a night and now I get about 6 so its a change for me. I don't know if my tiredness is the normal amount of a new parent or something else so blood work is getting done. I had intentions to go out and get Bee a Valentines Day outfit but I just couldn't find the time. We've had some rough nights which lead to some very lazy days and she doesn't want anyone but me some days so I can't even leave her home with Daddy (some days she lets me get out and enjoys her Daddy time but not lately). So I never got out, I never bought an outfit, not a card for either her or Stephen and I feel horrible about it. I will never get that day back for her, it was her first and I let it slip by.
I didn't mind much until I saw all my friends posting their babies first Valentines' Day pictures and then it hit me that I should have done something. I know it's just a day and I know it doesn't mean much because love in this house happens everyday and we don't need a special day to show it but that does not decrease my guilt. From now on, no matter the holiday, she will have pictures and outfits and cards. I don't ever want to feel like this again so I have made a deal that I will get out, even if I have no energy, I will get out, even if I have to bring her.
I think another large part of my guilt has to do with the boys. Before Valentines Day was here I was thinking about all the things we have planned this year to do with Bee, all the holidays, baseball games, hiking, apple picking, etc....we had all those hopes and dreams with the boys but we never got to enjoy them and it hit me that every time we do something new with Bee, every time she does something new, I am going to feel grief. I'm going to feel a bit sad at the same time I am excited for her, for us but sad that we never had these chances with the boys. We never celebrated Valentine's Day with the boys so I think not celebrating it with her hit me extra hard because we had the chance and we didn't do anything. We have so many chances now and I feel horrendously guilty so from now on I will do something for every holiday, I will cherish those special times we looked forward to with the boys but we never got. We have the chance with Bee and I'll be damned if I let them pass by like she isn't here.
Bee is doing well otherwise. She is now at 7.1lbs and 21inches long. She had a huge growth spurt in a matter of two weeks so her newborn clothes are starting to get tight, which is fine because I have a lot more outfits in bigger sizes. Still waking about every two hours during the night to feed but no longer waking her, letting her wake me instead in hopes of her sleeping a bit longer but no dice yet. Sorry for the quick update but motherhood calls and I don't want to miss a minute, even if it is loud!