When I logged onto Facebook this morning, the first headline I saw was "Matt Stajan on leave from Flames (Calgary NHL team) after tragic death of newborn son. Headlines like this hurt my head and my heart. It brings me back to those moments it happened to us the first time. Perhaps I am very sensitive right now because typing up my journal from after Ty died and going through my blog posts after Jacob died has been so emotional. Reading hospital records, it's all too much sometimes. Then I see headlines like the one above and my heart just aches. How I wish I could embrace his wife right now. Nothing can be said but tears can be shed and people can be held. It's about all you can do in this situation. Having been there twice, I know there is nothing I can say, I know there is nothing anyone wants to hear. People just want to cry, people want their children remembered.
After it initially happens, people do not care to see the light at the end of the tunnel because after a child dies, you surely feel like that will never happen. It eventually does but when you're so fresh from grief, when you just bury your child, when you can't find the reason to get out of bed or eat, all people want is their child. Sure, it's great that people drop off food because trust me, cooking is the last thing on their mind. Even better, buying a blanket or something and having it embroidered with their child's names. Donating in their child's name. They want people to acknowledge that their child was indeed just that, their child.
A lot of the headlines I read in regards to this used the words "tragic" and "parent's worst nightmare". They couldn't have used better words as it is truly a tragedy and a parents worst nightmare. I'm not naïve, I know babies die but when it happens to people who aren't celebrities, you don't hear about it. It's almost like you can tuck away the knowledge that babies die but then there are news headlines like this and it brings it out front. There is no hiding from perinatal and infant loss. We are among the millions, a group no one wants to belong to, no one wants to talk about, no one wants to acknowledge, but we are strong for eachother. We are there for eachother. I feel so close to some of the women I have met online after Ty and Jacob died. They get me, they get how it is. They have also lived the parents worst nightmare.
It just hurts my heart so much that yet another family has to go through burying their son and trying to keep themselves a float in the depths of their sorrow. I know it happens every day, quite a few times in a day, I just wish it could stop. I wish no family had to go through this, but if they do, I hope they know there is a world of help and support out there for them. They don't have to do this alone, nor do they have to feel isolated. I remember how horrible it felt being isolated, I don't want that for others. So for today, I will remember baby Emerson, though I do not know him or his parents, they are now the face of infant loss like so many of us.