This weekend has taught me a lot in regards to being a parent. Incompetence hit me when I was weak, when I was alone, when I was scared and didn't know what to do. I went to bed Friday night pretty early as Bee has not been sleeping well so I'm in bed shortly after her. A while later, Stephen woke me up and said he needed to go to the hospital, that's when my mind started going. Okay I'll get up and we can go but oh wait, no we can't, Bee is here now, what do I do with Bee? Do we bring Bee, I don't want to because there are a lot of sick people and germs at the hospital and she's sleeping. Do we drop Bee off somewhere? Where would we drop Bee off? Who do we call? Do I go with Stephen? Can someone else go with Stephen? How is he going to get there? On and on throughout the night this is how my mind was.
Stephen ended up calling 911 for an ambulance because he could barely walk he was in so much pain and throwing up so he was in no state to drive himself and couldn't think of anyone to call. The ambulance arrived at 10:30 and off they went. I did not sleep, I laid awake with my mind going, now that he was on his way to the hospital I was so clueless as to what to do. Should I arrange for Bee to go somewhere incase it was serious and I needed to be at the hospital with him? Should I see if someone with no children can go to the hospital to be with him and let me know if something is going wrong? Someone to look out for him while he was there? What if something happens, OMG what if something happens. What if he passed out and is in surgery or OMG, what if he is dead? My night was filled with fear and at 2:30 I could no longer take it, I had to call the hospital and find out what was going on. He called shortly after and said it was food poisoning (side note: he always gets food poisoning around this time of year for the past few years, strange!) I was glad to hear he was okay but then I didn't know how he was going to get home. I thought the ambulance would bring him back (silly me, I was tired and had no clue) then I thought taxi, but he asked if I could come pick him up and because I love him and he's my husband, at 3:00am I woke Bee up (which is NEVER a good idea) and went to pick him up. I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
I felt so alone and weak. I was clueless as to what to do. Stephen is the one who figures things out, he tells me what to do and helps me figure it out. He was not there, I was alone and so scared.
Obviously we need to work out a plan incase something does happen and Bee needs to go somewhere. Unfortunately my number one solution, GG and Papa, live in Michigan so a quick phone call for them to come over or drop Bee off is out of the question. We will figure something out. Bee has guardians, she has things set up in case we die but never did I think to have something in place temporarily for smaller situations or temporary care until my parents can get here.
I felt horrible, I felt like such a bad mom for being so incompetent.
I guess there are things I will only learn when the situation arises, I guess I can't possibly be prepared for everything a parent will have to deal with and learn as we go along. Sometimes I feel I just have no idea what I am doing or should do. I also told Stephen he is not allowed to be sick or have anything to happen to him because I'm so lost without him!
I love all her little faces so much!