This week marks the beginning of my hormone peak and I'm praying it won't last long. I think with both prior pregnancies, week 11-12 I started to notice I felt a bit better (though morning suckness with Ty lasted 25 weeks) I know my hormones are peaking because 1. My morning sickness is at an all time high 2. My smell sensitivity is extremely high (I can smell EVERYTHING, I could even smell the guy in the car in front of us and his cologne) and that makes for super fun gagging which brings on many trips to the bathroom. 3. My extreme fatigue, I can barely keep my eyes open, a nap will be had for sure! Those are the 3 major signs I am experiencing as my peak approaches. I do hope they wean off a bit week 11-12 like they did with Jacob but I'd be perfectly content if they stayed around as well, afterall, if I don't have symptoms my mind thinks something is wrong so until that baby starts kicking, I need some signs! Maybe they could ease off a bit but still be there so I know things are okay. I am so thankful I do not have to worry about working right now, though the reality is, I really do need to start working soon to get my hours in. I have no idea what will happen in relations to work. I have been looking for a new place to work just to see what is out there but haven't had much luck. I'm also still considering going back to HP but I think that will be a last resort option. I've been waiting a few months to hear about a certain job and I'm hoping I get it (and it should start soon) though it is a pay cut, the hours are part time, the environment is super supportive and it's someplace I know I will love. It also allows me to pick up a second part time job to help with finances and I've been praying for this to happen so we'll see.
Regardless, I will not be starting work for at least 2 more weeks which helps get me over the hormone hump and settled back down. I'm very thankful to have this opportunity. It allows me to sit here and look at Bee's picture (of which I can clearly see my heart shaped uterus) and think about how far we are.
9 Weeks: I am beyond thrilled we have made it to 9 weeks! My hormones are most certainly in full swing, the gagging, sensitivity to smells and morning sickness are peaking the next week so that means lots of laying around for me! If you notice in the picture, at 9 weeks I'm already showing, this is the reason it is getting hard to hide. This is probably the reason I am not getting job offers on the interviews I get in to. I started showing early with Jacob so I am not surprised I am showing this early with Bee either. Excuse the bra strap, I have to wear BIG girl bras and the straps are always thicker than tank tops. Today I am feeling pregnant. Everything smells to me and it is making me gag. Once I begin gagging that's when the vomiting starts so I am trying to sit somewhere that isn't pungent smelling (which in our house is nearly impossible) I would go outside to get some fresh air but it is HOT out and I'd die! I'll stay inside with my cool AC cranked popping peppermints all day long. I will have to bear the heat and go out later as I have to hand over my arm and leg, aka, pick up my progesterone. I'm praying after this dose my levels will be good without needing anymore because it is expensive! Of course if the baby needs it to be healthy then we'll pay for it but it would be nice to get a break from all the extra charges.
We would be okay this month due to getting tax credits back but because EI messed up and the CRA says we now owe them, it won't be happening, so thanks EI, thanks for screwing us over royally! I wish I could cause you as much frustration and stress as you have caused me and I know you won't call me, I'll have to call back and you better believe you will NOT be dealing with a happy camper. Be warned a lot of sailor words are coming your way. It may not get me far but you deserve to hear it. I am extremely displeased with how you are handling this situation and how much you don't care that you have royally f'ed us over right now. I fully expect when I do get a hold of someone that this matter is dealt with that day and I fully expect a letter (I don't care if you normally don't send them) you will send me a letter because I'm calling it now, when I apply for benefits in January I know there is going to be an issue because of everything that is happening right now and as an FYI stop automatically assuming people want to file claims and do it yourself because there is a very good reason I didn't file my claim morons! Alright, done my little EI tangent for the day....I'm sure there will be more since I do not see this problem being solved anytime soon. I can only imagine how much worse it will get before something is done, how much more we are going to get screwed over because of the government.
Back to week 9. Well, we made it this far and that means only 3 more weeks until we get to check in on Bee again. I'm hoping everything in 3 weeks will go well. We have an ultrasound, an appointment and lots of blood tests to do. Then, an appointment at 16 weeks if we get that far. I'm not even thinkking about the 18 week one yet, it'll cause too much stress and I'll start getting overwhelmed and freak out. I made an appointment to see or social worker J. in two weeks. She's the same one we had with Jacob and I know I need her by our side to get through this. There is something so peaceful, calm and real about her. Even just speaking to her on the phone yesterday made me totally break down and cry because she asked me how I was emotionally and I said scared and it is the raw truth, I am terrified. I haven't cried much or really felt fear but talking to her yesterday, and perhaps it was because it brought me back to everything that we went through with Jacob, but something just got me...but in a good way. I actually acknowledged how I really felt, truthfully and it scared me a little but it felt so freeing to say it and crying really released those feelings. So I'm really looking forward to my meetings, the issues being, my appointments now will take approximately 4 hours at a time. This is why I really can only afford to go back part time. We always start with an ultrasound which takes about an hour, then to the doctors which can take1-2 hours and now I'll be having social work meeting which are an hour...so 3-4 hours for each appointment, every two weeks, it's a lot and I feel horribly guilty about the fact I'll have to take so much time off of work which is why I'm really looking for something part time. Yes it's a pay cut, yes it doesn't have benefits, but for right now, it fits the lifestyle we need. I've been praying for God to lead me to something, someplace that will be supportive and not treat me like shit because I am pregnant and make me do things I shouldn't but say if I don't I'll get reported (another reason I don't want to go back to where I was before, even though the lady who treated me like that is gone, still the surrounding and environment bring me back to all those emotions) But I don't know what will happen, I do know we are at 9 weeks and as far as my hormones are indicating, Bee is still doing well. I pray over the next few weeks things become more clearer to me and good things start to come our way.