In relation to the recent tragedy in the US (which I won't even go there, it's too painful) I decided to blog today about my mental health. I know I've blogged about it before, especially after Jacob died and I had to go on medication. I blogged about all aspects of my mental health because I do not think it is anything to be ashamed of. I wanted others to know that it's okay to seek out help and have to be on medication because it is.
Today we headed back to the hospital and I think in the last 2 years it's the only time we have not had an ultrasound or saw our OB. Today we saw a psychiatrist. When we were in talking to the social worker a few weeks ago I mentioned I was concerned about my emotional well being after Bee is born. I can tell you right now, if Bee dies I have no doubt I will probably need to be hospitalized for a short while, if anything go on meds right away. But, if Bee comes home I don't know what to expect and I didn't want to be in a situation where things got so bad so quickly and bad things happened. So we made a plan to see a psychiatrist and he will follow me after Bee's birth. I will continue to see the social worker who will most likely see any signs I display after Bee's birth and mention that maybe it's time to make that call.
I wanted to have things in place in case they are needed. I have no idea how my hormones or body will react to anything but I didn't want to just see how things went in regards to this. This is something I can have a plan for and do have a plan for. I refuse to let my mental health get the better of me and I will take the necessary precautions and postcautions to make sure I do not let myself to get a bad point. I don't know if it will happen but it may.
Today's visit was more of a meet and greet and so the doctor could get all my info and kind if see where I am at. We both agreed I am okay right now and that its just extreme anxiety that is causing me my troubles at the moment but that should go away in time. We both agreed I do not need to be on medicine at this point but discussed that afterwords I may very well be so overwhelmed that I will need to be on something, which I am fine with. He also mentioned there are meds I can be on that are safe for breastfeeding but really if it came down to it, my mental health versus breastfeeding, mental health would win. But it is nice to know there are meds I can be on to continue breastfeeding if it goes well.
It was a very short trip this morning (less than an hour which is unheard of for us being at the hospital) I headed out to run some last minute errands, pick up a few last minute supplies for Bee and maybe an outfit or two....or three....then headed to get my massage and am now all relaxed and junk and have no motivation to do anything even though there is still stuff that needs to be done (mainly pack, sterilize bottles and clean the guest room) I think my husband needs to bake some cookies too....
Still hanging in there, will be in the hospital in one week and I have a feeling it may go quickly since we have a lot to do, at the same time we have nothing to do. Mostly go to church, pack and enjoy our us time (dinner date tonight to Bee's fav place, East Side Marios!!!!) Babe LOVES pasta! I still find that funny though because the first 11 weeks if I even looked at pasta I'd gag, I could NOT do anything tomato based but now I can't get enough of it. On that note I should try and get a few things done before our dinner date and early bedtime.....