For anyone who knows me, you know how much I HATE needles so when I willingly go to get stabbed with a bunch of needles, you can bet I mean business. This morning I went and had my first acupuncture treatment done. I must say, why have I not done this sooner? I LOVED it. I'm not kidding either. My lady said I could feel it right away or that it may take a few treatments. Well, little sensitive me felt it right away and I felt GREAT! I seriously felt so relaxed, like drunk happy relaxed. I smiled, I felt energetic, I didn't let petty little things bother me. Well, not all the little petty things. I just can't really explain the feeling it gave me. I felt almost euphoric. I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I was nervous about the whole experience because of my hatred for needles. She explained everything to me and I just went for it. I took some deep breaths in and out and just tried to relax. The needles going in didn't hurt at all. The only sensitive areas were my hands but other then that, it was great. It almost felt like they were draining out all the negativity in my body. It was truly great. I loved it so much.
The downside is, it's a bit pricier so if I choose not to return to work in January, we'll have to find something for me to do to pick up the costs. I simply can't stop these treatments. They are really helping and I need to continue them. I'm hoping with these treatments and some talk therapy I can kick this PTSD and GAD in the butt! Lord knows I am ready for it.
I think I especially needed it today because I've exposed myself to a ton of should be triggers and there not affecting me much. One of our friends is in the hospital, she lost her little girl at 26 weeks and was admitted yesterday at 30 weeks in labour. They were able to stop it but little man may be here sooner rather then later. Prayers for them would be appreciated. We'll just call him Turtle, which is his nickname.
Anyways, I took Bee up to the hospital yesterday and today, I didn't want her to be alone going through all of that, though things have settled down now. So, where do I begin. One, I was scared for my friend, my adrenaline was at an all time high because she was in labour and I knew it wasn't good. Then the IV's and all the shots, being in L and D and going down to a delivery room. The monitors, the smells, the hallways, the people, the nurses, the doctors, the hospital food. Everything about that place is my old life. I even saw one of Jacob's nurses, his most awesome nurse ever. And today, being down in antenatal where I spent so much time with Jacob and Bee. Seeing more nurses, hearing the sounds, looking out at the view I had for so many weeks. Going to the kitchen and getting water in those cups (which Bee finds hilarious, I'll have to try to get a video) Seeing the spiritual person who came to visit while I was pregnant with Bee. Everything about the last two days has been a reminder of those times.
However, it hasn't hit me too hard, though as I'm writing this is is starting to hit. It seems like such a distant memory and I mean, it really kind of is. It's been almost two years since Jacob was born and died, three for Ty. Not only that, but it's been 7 months since I gave birth to Bee. Perhaps it's because it feels different to be in there for someone else. I'm there now as a support person, to help my friend through this difficult time. It's not about me at all, but I know. I know and can offer suggestions on things because I've been there. I know to speak up for her if she's too afraid too, I was there, I know. It's not about me this time and though everything is a reminder of my life the past few years, it's not hitting me as hard as I thought it would. Perhaps it's because I am so focused on my friend and her little guy, perhaps it is from the euphoric acupuncture treatment this morning, whatever it is, I'm okay with it.
So here is to an amazing acupuncture treatment with many more to come. I hope they keep helping this much and I can stay off of meds.
Oh and little Miss turned 7 months yesterday (don't ask me how that is even possible)