I know I've recently mentioned that the most commonly asked question when people find out we have just had a baby is, "is this your first" and again, I don't know why people ask but it does bother me because does it really matter? No.....
Well there is another question that is almost asked just as much, even from strangers, but it doesn't bother me because I know people are curious after all we have been through. The second most asked question is "are you going to have another one"? Let's just all take a step back for a moment and remember what we had to go through just to get Bee here. It took 3 years, two deaths and a hell of a journey to get Bee here safely. I don't think some people understand how hard it was to go through Bee's pregnancy after Ty and Jacob's death. We have waited a long time for a living baby to bring home and all I care about right now is enjoying every single possible second I can with Bee. The thought of another baby is not even on my mind, in fact, at the moment, no I don't want to try again. I rather save the physical heartache and go for adopting/fostering. But I don't even want to think about that right now. Right now its all about Bee, she is my world, my life, my light. I never knew how much my heart could grow until she came into my life. I want to make sure I don't miss a moment of her growing up, I want this time for just the two of us (well Dad too) but right now I don't want to even think about the future. I'm finally living in the moment and enjoying it as much as I can because I know within a second it could all be taken from me.
Bee truly is my life right now and she always will be and maybe in a few years when she is older I'll get baby fever but right now the only fever I have is a hankering for some kettle popcorn. As my beautiful miracle sleeps and I look forward to and await her middle night feed, I sit and breathe. Bee breathed life into me.
Speaking of which, okay not really related at all but I am making a movie of my pregnancy with Ty, Jacob and Bee. I didn't have a song for Bee so I was searching online today. Let's just say I had some good cry's today. Some of the songs I listened to melted my heart, made me miss the boys so much and realize how thankful I am to have been holding Bee while she slept. It's going to take awhile to make the movie but I think in the end I will be very happy with it. It's probably the saddest movie ever, especially with the songs I picked, but I want to share my journey and hope it gives inspiration to others. I will post it on here once it is complete but I have a feeling it may be fall before I'm done with it. It has to be perfect.
This weekend my mom and I attended the Women's Lifestlye Show. We went last year and decided to make it a yearly thing (last year was better) but I had to reveal my makeover on stage in front of people after they heard my story. Talk about gut wrenching fear. However, I did it, I did not chicken out, I pushed myself to do it because the old me wouldn't have done that and the new me needs to take these steps to figure out who the new me was. I even got to wear an adorable outfit that I am going to buy because it made me feel good. I didn't like the makeup though, but I've never been huge on makeup and I really don't like liquid foundation so I felt gross after I was caked with makeup, but it did make me want to buy some new makeup just to jazz it up a bit when Stephen and I go out for dinner dates, I did kind of like how it looked but just wanted it toned down.
However, I was NOT the main attraction at the show, it was Bee. Let's just say there were about 100 booths at the show and almost every single booth we passed people wanted to see Bee. She got sooo many "awww shes so cute", "shes adorable" etc....I'm so thankful I decided to wear her in the wrap because I can only imagine how many grabby stranger hands would have tried to touch her, thankful no one did and we stayed germ free. I felt so proud to be walking around and having everyone oggle over her because I had waited for that moment so long so I basked in the glory.
All in all it was a good weekend as you can tell from the photos below, makeover pics will be posted soon!
Having some fun at the WLS
Bee was in the pic too, just can't see her