At least for today anyways. I am well aware that even though today was sunny +7 and just gorgeous out, tomorrow is suppose to be -17 with a major snow storm. It's the beauty of where I live. But I plead for more days like today. Bee and I always get out for walks in this kind of weather and it is just so damn refreshing for the soul. The sun shines into my heart and warms it up. The sounds of the birds chirping rings in my ears and plays a sweet melody. The crisp cool air cleanses my lungs. After Fall, Spring is my favourite season. It brings a sense of new. It brings a sense of cleansing of the soul.
On days like today I feel relatively good. This kind of weather always puts me in a better mood. We walk, we walk miles while my mind meanders. I think about where we are, how we got there, where we are headed. I think about the tragic death of Ty and Jacob and the new life of Bee. I think about our struggles and how we can find a way out. I think about the fact that I need to work on writing my book but the writing has been so hard lately, not only that but I'm really enjoying working on my other blog (Baby's Nest) it's going places. I am challenging myself to learn HTML code, I am reaching out to companies, they are reaching out to me (this is always a great sign that people are paying attention to what I am doing). Things are being accomplished and I do see the direction we are suppose to go in.
Hep A vaccines have been scheduled, resort has been booked and our plane has been booked. Going to Mexico is now official, excuse me while I barf, and with it the anxiety continues to pile but on days like today, I feel okay with it. Perhaps maybe even slightly excited? It will truly be a huge challenge for me, a step to take in over coming my anxiety. It will always be there but I can control it. I just need to figure out how! I'm still in shock that every happened the way it did. But, because of it I am also secretly working on something else that I really hope comes together, if it does, it will be a HUGE step for the infant loss community.....and even if it doesn't, at least I am trying. Come on Mother Nature, bring me more Spring! It gives me motivation to get crap done.