I've seen it, you've seen it. Its the forgotten group. Pregnancy and infant loss is a forgotten group. It is excluded from the public eye. It is excluded from media. It is excluded from being given "celebrity" status. I watch enough TV (not much but enough) to know that babies dying is a taboo subject. It is my life's mission to change that and I will as I've already started. But the thing is, the group I belong to is often forgotten.
I won't say which one, but there is a very well known talk show host, known for being funny , on mid afternoon. Now, I'm not pointing her out as every talk show I have seen does not touch this subject, with the exception of The Doctors (thank you). On this talk show and many others, they give away lots of things to well deserving people.
Are we not deserving people? Do we not also go through hell and back? Except, we never get to live a normal life again. We are forever changed. It takes a toll on us financially. Funerals and medical bills are not cheap. We are unable to work due to the mental anguish of having buried a child.
Celebrities pair up and help give baby showers to moms in the military whose husbands are deployed. Where are the baby showers for the hundreds of moms going through another pregnancy scared shitless that their baby may die? Don't we deserve to help them celebrate (given most women probably avoid showers but there are some who would welcome them)
You see commericals, you have people coming to your door, there is a huge push to fundraise for all these other causes but when it comes to pregnancy and infant loss, people avoid it like the plague.
We are like the kids who get picked last to be on a team because no body wants us to be on their team. You always hear about cancer, heart attacks, strokes, tumours, military etc, but why do you never hear about infant loss? Why are we shut out from the world?
Please know that I am by NO means saying these aren't important causes because they truly are as well, all I'm saying is that there is a group just as deserving being left out. By all means, I support all these other causes but don't we deserve to be supported too?
I already feel so alone and secluded and when the media, celebrities and other well known people choose to ignore our "group" it hurts. Not going to lie, it hurts.
Another thing that hurts? Writing! I'm working on our book and right now I am typing all my journal entries from after Ty died. There are some heavy days to get through. But, it also allows me to see how far I have come, even more, how far Stephen and I have come as a couple. I've had a few good laughs too, one of my journal entries was me being worried about Stephens heart because he ate a lot of candy and hamburgers. He still does that lol. But, there also the parts of me feeling like a failure, of me feeling like Stephen didn't love me and the toll it took on our relationship. I can't write everything in the book, it is far to deep and personal but I am trying to write most things down.
I'm also trying to get to bed at a decent time since little miss has made 5am her new wake up time. Can't say I mind though because morning naps for both of us are pretty nice. By the way, if anyone reading this who lives in London (Ontario) has a glider chair they no longer need, please let me know. We are in desperate need of a new one and can't afford to buy one. Speaking of not being able to afford to buy one, It's been 4 months now since I applied for benefits. They told me I'd know within a month....talk about stressed to the max! I loathe insurance companies, I really really do. I guess my case manager, whom I'm still trying to get switched, messed up how things were done and has prolonged this even more. See, like I always say, it's one thing after another. It never ends for us! I'm really hoping that the book will do well, though it won't be out until Fall at the earliest! Until another day.....
Oh and if you need a dose of cuteness, here you go! She truly is the light in my life. I decided we needed matching grey infinity scarves, little kids in infinity scarves are almost too cute to handle. I just love the innocence I captured in this picture.