This is a sweater that hangs in my closet. I've owned it for at least 7 years. You know how many times I have worn it? Zero. Yet, there it hangs and somehow after every closet clean out, it still hangs there. I have never worn it, I have no intentions of wearing it yet I can't part with it for some odd reason. It's a pretty sweater, it's cashmere so it's soft. I don't know why I can't get rid of it. I don't know what ties me to that sweater.
Perhaps it's a symbol of what I was, where I thought I would be. I always imagined I'd be in the administrative sector of business at some company. I thought I'd excel so much that I'd work my way up and become a CEO or at least the manager of a department. Even while pregnant with Ty, the thought of being a stay at home mom never crossed my mind. I could never imagine staying home with my kids, I wanted to excel in my career, be something, make something of myself and leave a legacy. But that's all changed. It all changed because Ty died. It all change because Jacob died and even more so, it's changed now because Bee is here, alive and healthy.
The thought of returning to work is now not even crossing my mind., It's funny how things can change a person so drastically. The sweater symbolizes what I was and what I wanted but for the old me, not the new me. The new me will never wear the sweater because the new me will most likely never be back in the administrative sector (not to say I won't return to work as I probably will at some point) but not to the meaningless jobs I was performing before. If I go back it's going to be worth while, it's going to be for a good cause, it's going to be because I love my job and what I do.
Maybe one of these days I will be able to part with this sweater that I feel so attached to for no apparent reason. But for now, it has survived another closet clean out.