I had another blog all typed and ready to go but I felt I needed to post a different one instead, I can fill you all in on the effing window tints later. I just wanted to say that today was a good day. A bit of s surprise since little miss has not been sleeping and we were up yet again from 12-4am. I don't know exactly what it was about today but it was good. I woke up exhausted and decided since I didn't sleep and felt like poo that I was going to go work out, hoping it would give me some energy. I know the Y I've been attending has a Zumba class and I've really wanted to go. I use to go to Zumba way back when I worked at the law firm and used our on site gym. It was fun, I always liked it and even though I looked like a fish out of water, it was still just fun.
I asked Stephen to watch Bee (avoiding the day care disaster yet again) and he happily obliged. The weather has been really cool lately, like fall and you all know how much I LOVE the fall weather. It was sunny this morning, such a beautiful morning. I ate breakfast, got ready and headed out. As I was driving Hedley came on the radio, it brought me back to when I first moved here and was working at the University. I listened to Hedley all the time. It did make me a bit sad to think back to that time, even the weather reminded me of it, but it wasn't a heavy heart sadness, if that makes any sense. I went to class and had such a great time. It felt so good just to shake it all out, I was even legitimately smiling, of course it was because I felt like such a noob and looked ridiculous, but it was fun! I left feeling really good and it just put me in a pretty good mood.
The afternoon was pretty good as well, I went to see the psychiatrist and she was 45 minutes late, but I wasn't too upset or pissed off. Actually I just felt bad for Bee. She was doing so well and then we had to wait and it did make me angry that my daughter had to wait and get all fussy. But like her awesome self, she did well and made a lot of people smile. The app was meh, decided to get a script for meds but have not made the decision to start them yet. Got referred to someone outside of the hospital for social work so I will try that option first. To be honest, the one and only reason I am not on meds and really want to wait is because even though theres a very small percent that gets into the breastmilk, it still worries me. I know there have been tons of studies on the effects for babies but if I can make it without them for now and not risk my daughter at all, I'm willing to try. But, if need be, I know the percent that is passed to her is very small, if any so if I just can't handle things, I will start at that point. We headed home, got some snuggles in, put her to bed, ate an awesome dinner, worked on my new blog (stay tuned for that update) and am heading to bed myself.
I just felt, I dont want to say normal or like my old self, but I felt good today. Perhaps a small piece of who I use to be, though it will never be the same, it was there. I did have moments that were bittersweet, thinking back to my innocent time but it didn't get me down, it didn't put me in a bad mood, it didn't make me feel pity, it just made me a bit sad but that was it. I am really thankful and do truly feel blessed but most days I don't feel that and most days I don't see that, but today I did. Today was a good day. Just a forewarning, my next blog will not be as happy as today because of the effing window tints.....but for today, I am going to ignore that situation and enjoy the fact that I had a good day.