Today seemed like the perfect day to have a full blown panic attack. You know the ones where you start shaking uncontrollably, start feeling sick to your stomach so you take meds because you swear your going to puke which makes you more anxious because you don't like puking, crying over the little things, swearing, unintentionally hurting yourself (probably from the shaking) my poor feet took a beating today with all that was dropped upon them.
I downed the Rescue Remedy and chilled until it kicked in. It always makes me sleepy and feel a bit off but it does a great job at taking the edge off my panic attacks. It's been a while since I needed it but I know it will the daily regiment for a few days, until I can settle down and get over this panic attack. They never last just one day, they have to linger. At least I know why this one happened but unfortunately I have no control over the reason other than to wait.
I'm just thankful it was a gorgeous day outside so Bee and I could get out. We ended up bringing our car in and is it just me or does anyone else find that there is always something else wrong with the car other than the reason you brought it in? I was just going in for a Groupon oil change and ended up needing a few new filters (of which are not the cheapest puppies on the planet). They also ordered the wrong one so our 45 minute appointment ended up taking two hours. Bee and I did get to enjoy a short walk, followed by some delicious Marble Slab ice cream and a visit to a really cool book store I never knew about. Me in a bookstore is never a good thing. If you have ever been to our house, you know it is filled with books and they just keep growing. I told Stephen, if this was our house (we only rent) our living room wall would be floor to ceiling, wall to wall of a built in bookshelf for all of our books, I'd even put a little track in at the top and have a swinging ladder. Even that wouldn't be sufficient for our book addiction, but it's not a horrible addiction to have. I may not have much time to read now (other than kids books to Bee) but I really look forward to when Bee is a bit older and we can get into some of my favourites from my childhood. Read books upon books every night with her before bed, yeah I look forward to it. Not that I don't enjoy our time now, but I'd like to read some books with more sustenance because I already know everybody poops, Skippy John Jones is crazy, Robert Munsch is still a fantastic author, as is Nancy Tillman (who makes me cry) and so much more.
Bee is showing a real interest in trucks so I bought a few more trucks books and figured we might as well start on the dinosaurs as well. Funny thing, I bought mostly "boy" themed books, I should mention, I do not believe in boy or girl themed anything, but society does so when I purchased books about trucks, science and dinosaurs, the cashier asked if we had boys at home. I said no and hesitated to say anything else but since I was having a shitastic day anyways, I decided to bring it up and say, well we had two little boys but they both passed away. He was actually quite sincere in our discussion afterword's.
Any who, life still goes on at the Nelles household. Stephen is super busy with work, I'm super busy with Bee who is superb at keeping me on my toes, I'm also waiting to get into the trauma program and am trying to keep it together in the mean time. I have also taken a huge step and started applying for childcare. Scary........I go for a few tours next week just to see, see what the prices are like and how I feel because I am pretty sure the day will inevitably come. As much as I'd like to think that our book will be a New York Times Best Seller.....pipe dreams....