On this day of your life, Jessica, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's time to start living in the present.Letting go of the past is not easy, especially if you have wounds that have never properly healed. But, the past is past and living there may be preventing you from fully experiencing the present. Likewise fear of what may be looming around the corner can also prevent you from fully enjoying the present. Live in the moment and look forward to eternity with God, now that's a great present.
I found this message to be very fitting. I mean it really hits it on the dot for me. I do live in the past a lot and I surely have not healed and think that a part of me never will. But having both Ty and Jacob die has also taught me to really live in the moment and that's what we do. That's how we have handled this pregnant, day by day, week by week. We don't plan to far a head because the future is really unknown and there really is only so much we can do. But I cannot help the fear I have about Bee's outcome, that is something I have to live with no matter how much I give to God I will have fear about what will happen to Bee, given our circumstances it is expected but I wouldn't say it is fully keeping us from living today. To be honest, right now we are planning for a future just a month or two away and it does not include Bee. We are making plans to welcome Bee too but it's not completely based around hermin. Whether Bee makes it here alive and well and gets to come home to us is not really up to us, there are things we can do to make that the best possible chance but it is not guaranteed so we do live in the moment with what we have and what we can do. We can choose where we live and we made the choice to go ahead and move for the better of our lives, with or without Bee it is a step we had to take.
As scary as the step is we know it is needed for both of us. The future is scary but if anything, the past has taught us that no matter how scared we are there will always be blessings and always be positives even in the most tragic of circumstances. I do look forward to our future, I have no idea what is in store for us but we are taking the steps, as scary as they are, to make sure we limit our fears. We really do try to live in the moment since we know that is all that is guaranteed.
The wedding today was a really enjoyable celebration of love and many laughs. We had a great time and may I add the pumpkin cheesecake was simply to die for!!!! Mmm...so good. I got all fancied up again (lucky husband, twice in one year, let alone one week!) and off we went. I forgot the Kleenex so, like most moms, my sleeve was pretty wet. It was a beautiful ceremony, a nice sunny drive to the reception, some yummy treats before lunch, some yummy lunch followed by yummy cheesecake. Bee has had a good food day! Now if we can only decide what to do for dinner and by how we are feeling it may be a pizza or mac and cheese night!
Speaking of how we are feeling, I still feel like crap. I think the strep is going away but something else deep in my lungs is replacing it. I really should have stayed off work at least Thursday and probably Friday. We are home now to rest and after church tomorrow I plan on resting most of the day. Its' been almost a week now and I can kick whatever this is, penicillin and all. Even if I did have strep throat I may have something else that is viral that the penicillin wont help so I'm really hoping a day of rest tomorrow will really help! If not I fear another day or two of work will have to be missed. But, only a few more weeks and then I can rest at home as much as possible, help Bee grow as much as possible and stay as stress free as possible (all while decorating the new house, but that will be fun not stressful, unless I can't figure out how to make it comfy and homie but I have my mom to help with that)
We did get some pictures of us today but other people took them so it'll be awhile before we can post them. And on that note, back to resting with my hot cup of coca.