Today was an absolutely gorgeous day out weather wise so after we got back from Bee's Easter pictures (little miss was NOT having it lol so it'll be interesting to see if any of the pics turned out) I decided to go for a walk. Well okay, by that time I really didn't want to go for a walk but I have 20 lbs to lose until I reach my pre-pregnancy weight. Given, half of that is my grief weight from after the boys died which I still carry around, but 20lbs I have to go! I have to do it no matter how lazy I feel. I contemplated where to go because I really was not feeling it. Walking around the neighbourhood gets boring, Springbank Park was an option but I didn't want to go by myself and there really is only one place on earth I love to walk around no matter how lazy I feel....the cemetery. As soon as I thought of it I really wanted to go, I found my motivation!
I packed Bee up and we headed to our little Heaven on Earth. I use to think cemetery's were creepy but it really is the only place I feel at peace now. There is just something so wonderfully peaceful about being amongst the dead. Perhaps it's because it is so quiet and there is so much nature right in the middle of a city.
Anyways, I knew Ty and Jacob had a new little person near them because the other day when we drove by I saw the dreaded green tent so it wasn't a surprise to me when I pulled up today and could tell someone had been recently buried.
I walked by and looked at the grave marker, a little boy who was about 3. I knew he was about 3 because his marker said 2010-2013. I stopped for a moment and fixed up his flowers as they had fallen over and then stepped 5 more steps to the boys and as I was standing in front of Ty's headstone, that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. That little boy was Ty's age, or close to it and then all I could think about was Ty and how he should be turning 3 this year and has it really been 3 years already?
Bee and I continued our walk but it's all I could think about, it's all I can still think about. 3 years...I just can't believe it. I guess at the time it seemed like time was passing by so slowly but in hindsight, it's been 3 years! i just can't fathom everything that has happened in the last 3 years. I thought about this little boy, being born and growing up and his parents and everything that would have happened to him in the last 3 years and it made me miss Ty so much.
It made me realize how exhausted I truly should be with 3 kids under 3. I mean our lives should really be insanely busy with 3 little ones but it's not. Instead we have our one little miracle and two angels. It's not the life I could have ever imagined. Who would have thought that at such a young age you would be reserving your plot at a cemetery and making sure you have life insurance. But the last 3 years has taught us that life is not guaranteed and in fact, it is quite short.
Seeing that little boys age today really has taken me a step back. i can't stop thinking about 3 years and everything 3 years has brought us. It's funny how the littlest things can set you back....I could go on and on but I have a cute little lady who would like to be snuggled and lord knows I can't get enough of that, after all, we've waited so long I don't want it to stop! I'll post her Easter Pics as soon as we get them, in the meantime, here is a sneak peak at what she wore.