Life lessons are learned everyday. New things are discovered, it's a part of life. It's a part of my life. I learn more and more about ptsd every month. I learn about the symptoms and side effects that most don't know about. Ptsd is far more than flashbacks or disturbing thoughts. It's about temporary loss of vision, it's about other visual problems, its about digestive problems, it's about hearing problems, it's about sleep problems, it's about eating issues, it's about anxiety, it's about fear, it's about worry, it's about nausea, it's about headaches, it's about body aches, it's about shaky muscles. It is a never ending cycle of new things that are related to ptsd.
The last few months I have noticed some small changes in my muscles. I started to try to work out again but found my muscles were very resistant. Nothing like I had experienced before. I didn't think much about it as I haven't done extensive workouts or anything really in a couple of months so I waved it off as nothing. Then, there were a few days of leg twitching, random spasms for no reason (worse at night). Again, figured it could be from something, had some blood tests and iron was low so on I went to the supplements and it seemed to improve. When I started to get some panic attacks my muscles ached more than ever before, I attributed it to the panic.
A few days ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a very heavy feeling to my whole body. It was difficult to get out of bed. As the day progressed the heaviness feeling went away but was replaced with pain, sharp pains all over my body. I was shaky, my muscles were twitching. I decided to give myself 24 hours before I went to the doctors, it could just be from the anxiety, I know for me it's very systemic. I took an epsom salt bath, used some sore muscle meds and took some advil. It seemed to relieve the pain abit and I went to bed. I woke up 24 hours later in the same pain as the day before. Anxiety usually goes away and if it stays around it lessens, not worsens. Off to the doctor I went.
She did some test and ordered some blood work. She mentioned that by the sounds of it (all the muscle issues, the muscles feeling exhausted, the increase in headaches) it could be fibromyalgia. I guess it's so rare and unknown that it's not even a word in the dictionary as it's saying it is spelled wrong. Anyways, I still thought it was anxiety but had the blood tests done. I still felt sore the next day and had shaky muscles. I still do today.
The doctor called, all the blood work came back okay but she said that I have fibromyalgia. When I went to read about it, thanks Dr. Google, I found so many articles about people with ptsd having fibro. There was a very strong correlation. Also, reading through the symptoms, I have so many. Whether they are anxiety based or not, I don't know but the doctor said that's what it is. Just add it to the list of shit I have to deal with. I know for a fact that fibromyalgia is not very well known, I know doctors don't necessarily believe it, I know it's one of those "things" people say they have that no one really understands. Except now, I'm starting to get it. I've had a lot of inflammation due to food in tolerances, which I have avoided as much as I possibly can, but I can't help the stress part from the anxiety or ptsd. I see where the doctor is coming from and I get it, it all makes some sense. It's all confusing as hell, both symptoms include anxiety and ptsd so how do you determine what it is? Medicine.
If you follow this blog you know I am not a fan of medicine (though I have been on it before and fully believe it in and honestly, have considered going back on it for a bit which I may very well have to soon) But, thankfully there is a lot I can do naturally to help, of which I already do. Massage, acupuncture, yoga, At least one of the three are free and I can do them at home. It's about reducing stress (ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa) and being healthy and active. Same "treatment" as ptsd and anxiety. I can see how they are all interrelated and when you have one, you seem to have them all.
Hearing a diagnosis is never fun. I feel so lightheaded and faint now. That horrible uncomfortable feeling I get (the scared emotion) is out in full force. I already had a heightened, overwhelmed system with the move and my counselor telling me I only have 6 more months in the program, but to add this on, I swear, one day I won't be surprised if I drop dead from the stress. Its the main reason I am considering going on meds again but I will give myself some time to practice and work on what I know I need to do and see if it helps. I have a lot of reading to do, I'm a pro at Dr. Google. But at least the doctor saw what I was talking about, which leads me to believe it is truly more than just anxiety for once. So, fibormyalgia, anyone else it? What should I know?
Oh and did I mention Hank the new lemon cat was also diagnosed today with Feline Eosinophilic Granuloma Complex. Say that one 5 times fast. All I really know is that he will have to take medication every day of his life for the rest of his life. Fuck. Today can just go to hell with diagnosis's.