As I sit here on January 1st, 2015 with a consistent sore throat, lumpy feeling, difficulty swallowing and my anxiety causing me to think it is something horrible, like throat cancer, I can't help but think of how far I have come over the last year, even if I still do have anxious thoughts and moments.
2014 was a great year for us, yes there were struggles, there always has been and always will be, but we dealt with them like we know how. Of course, without a doubt, one of the best parts of 2014 was our trip to Mexico, thanks to The Doctors Tv Show. I remember how terrified I was at the thought of traveling to Mexico, so terrified that at first I told Stephen we weren't going. When my parents mentioned that they would come with us and me realizing we had to go, we booked the date and all was set. In hindsight, it really was a spectacular family vacation and my parents being there made it all the more special. Part of me would even consider going back.
Our family camping trip was another great memory. Stephen and I hadn't been camping since before our journey to becoming parents began. It's something we both loved to do and really missed. We packed up and headed up to the family camp and had a great time. It was nice to be in cabins, lots of safe areas for Bee to run around, all in all, it was a weekend that was really needed. It will become one of our traditions!
We also, unexpectedly faced Stephen being away for 4 months in Detroit. It was a huge adjustment for all of us and one that was very difficult to get use to. It did allow for both Stephen and I to grow and take on more challenges. It showed us we are far more capable of things then we imagined. It brought us closer as a couple and as a family.
When Stephen came back, me mental health took a sharp decline. I laid on the couch for 4 weeks, unable to eat, barely able to survive. I was blessed to have my mom come stay with me for two weeks while I adjusted to the medication and though the first medication made everything a million times worse, when I found the right medication things got better.
My mental health also took a turn for the better when I was finally admitted into the trauma program. I'm just beginning my journey there and it will take almost 2 years to get through it, but I am hopeful it will give me my life back.
Thanks to the medication and trauma program, I started to feel a lot better and made a bunch of plans for Christmas. We rode the Santa train, cut down our own tree and gave, we gave so much to o many and it felt wonderful. We didn't receive much but it's what we preferred.
The rest of 2014 was mostly a blur, I struggled deeply with my anxiety and tried to fight it for so long. Bee grew by leaps and bounds, we clearly made it through another year and came out further ahead then we have ever been before.
So onto 2015, what this year holds, I have no idea! Our goals this year include:
1. Saving the bees
2. Become more minimalist
3. Spend less, save more
4. Eat local, eat healthy, eat clean
5. Give more, all throughout the year
Personal goals I have set:
1. Finish and publish the book (this is my biggest challenge)
2. Start my own business (more about that to come soon)
3. Take control of my health, get all of these test over and done with and deal with the results. I need to feel better, I can't go on feeling ill everyday.
We also expect Stephen to get another promotion which will have him sent off to another city, or back to Detroit. At least this time we know in advance and can make plans accordingly. My goal for Jan/Feb is to get everything in order. Tear through the house and declutter, organize and get things set knowing he will be gone. I also have to mentally prepare for him being gone as well, I don't know when he will leave, how long he will be gone, if it will be overnight stays or what, only time will tell but I have to prepare for thinking it will be like his stays in Detroit.
There is no plan to expand our family this year, that has been put on hold for another year. We really want to be able to get into our own house (as in buy) before we expand our family.
I look forward to what 2015 has to bring us, without a doubt there will be challenges and obstacles, as there always is, but I hope this year I can mentally handle them better than last. I hope I am able to live more, be in the moment and cherish what we have. I look forward to watching Bee grow as the age of 2-3 is a time of some serious learning. I look forward to rediscovering myself and Stephen and I as a couple. I don't know what the future holds, I know I have little control over it and things always change, but we have a direction to head in and will deal with the detours along the way.