It's time, it's time to publish the book. I have worked on it for a very long time. It was not something I could just sit down and write and edit. It's very emotional and some days it was comforting but others it was too traumatic. I feel now is the time so onto the next journey.
I began writing a book proposal today. It's the first step in reaching out to publishers to give them an idea and see if they would be interested. I've also been searching and researching a ton of different publishing companies. This is the hard part. Even harder, knowing there will be a ton of rejection. Our book is not for everyone. It will take a special publisher to be interested in our story but I do believe they are out there. It's just a matter of finding them and working with them. I truly believe our book is needed as I know there aren't any books like it out there. Working through it and editing it though, that will also be tough. I have a lot of heart in this journey, more than anything else. I hope it will keep me going.
The thought of it is a bit daunting. I know it will be a lot of hard work and I'm already running on low. It doesn't help that my mind seems to have checked out and is on vacation somewhere warm. I'm still having a tough time connecting, to feel, to be aware, I still feel as if I am just floating by. My mind still has the fact that we moved blocked. This town we now live in seems surreal, this house this life, the fact that Bee is starting school in the Fall. All of it seems just out of reach. I'm doing all I can. I know it will take time, I know my reactions to emotions are delayed. Heck, it took me a whole year after our Mexico trip to connect to a feeling. Its only been 7 months here so maybe in a few more my mind and body will start to connect. In the meantime, I'm just holding on for the ride. Pretending to make it while hugely just faking it. In time, like everything else, in time. I just need to accept that.
The task ahead is large, but I'm up for it right now. I'm scaling back on my business to give myself more time to work on the book and bring my my other blog. I really enjoyed blogging so I want to get that up and running again. Pairing down what exhausts me too much (a lot of sewing) and doing what I enjoy. I do enjoy sewing but demands are high and my mental state is not at the level to accept that right now so pairing down it will be. I hope once I start to find a balance of things that work, my mind will start to get back on board and not feel so overwhelmed.
Feeling overwhelmed is a daily struggle for me. Our house needs so much work. It has to wait due to finances which drives me nuts having things undone but the other night I was looking through pictures from when we first moved in 7 months ago. I compared them to the now. Even though it feels like we have so much left to do (which we do) we've also done a lot already. It's hard for me to see that part so I'm thankful for pictures. But I know the overwhelming feeling from this doesn't help my mind. I'm pairing down on house renos too.
It's almost like I need a reset. I need to go down to the basics and work from there for a while. Set things up to run a bit more smoothly. As this is Bees last year at home with my full time, I want to actually do things and enjoy the time with her. It's so very hard to balance everything but I think with time and some changes, we can manage and find something that works. Setting goals should probably be on the list of things to do so I can see and focus more. Even if it is only, write out the outline of the book proposal. Organize the shirts to be printed. Cut all fabric before sewing. Little things that I know will help me find a routine to make sure everything gets time but most importantly, Bee.