I've never been a big fan of tattoos. I don't have anything against them, I'm just a chicken shit when it comes to needles. During my rebellious teenage years, I walked into a tattoo parlor many times with the thought I'd get a tattoo but I always chickened out. I was envious of people who could sit through the pain as I really wanted one but I could not man up. I also could not find one that I really felt was special and thank the lord I didn't go with my initial heart with the letter J in it (for an ex) since well, that didn't turn out.
Then Ty died and Jacob shortly followed and I just knew I had to do something special for them. We were blessed to have both of their footprints and I knew that's what I had to get tattooed. One of the ladies we met in our stillbirth group happened to be a tattoo artist so shit got real when we talked and made plans. I decided I didn't just want their footprints but I wanted angel wings on their feet to symbolize the fact that they were no longer here. I felt having them on my wrists was the best place, I could hold them over my heart and believe me, the entire time I was pregnant with Bee, those feet held tightly onto that belly (don't worry I had them done way before I was pregnant, like 8 months before).
The day came and we headed to the tattoo place. I was nervous as shit, I hate needles and willingly doing something that involved a needle seemed ridiculous. But, my mind was set on the fact that nothing, not even needles would hurt as much as I did for my boys. Nothing would ever cause as much pain as the death of my boys. I just kept my mind on them. She started and I had worked myself up so much that I almost passed out, though I managed to keep it together. She was able to finish one and we headed back for the second one a few days later. These are the boys tattoos: Jacob is on the left, now filled in and Ty is on the right
After Bee was born I started to think about a tattoo that represented her. I knew it would be a while before I could get one because I was breastfeeding but it gave me a lot of time to think of something special. I didn't want a bee because it just didn't seem special enough. One day while browsing Pinterest I saw the tattoo I knew I had to get for Bee. Today, I bared the thought of more needles and headed to the parlor to get my third tattoo. In hindsight, it took all of 5 minutes and I didn't feel any pain. If all tattoos were that painless, I may have lots more (the boys were quite painful). Here is what I decided for Bee:
It is an actual snippet of her heartbeat from one of our OB visits while I was pregnant with her. I knew when I saw the idea it was perfect. I added the hearts at the end (the original photo I saw only had the heartbeat). But I added the hearts and think this tattoo is perfect because I truly feel my heart began to beat once again once hers started to beat. She has given me my life back. It is on my right leg, inner side. Some what hidden but incredibly special.