I have a beef with the Santa Clause Parade. It gets me every year, every frickin year. I don't know what it is about this particular event but every damn year we go, I bite my lip to keep the tears from falling. Literally, I bite my lip or I would lose it. I don't know what it is and it bothers me. I use to think it was seeing the joy and delight in Bee's eyes and that always tugs at my heart, but not to this extent. Plus, there are many joy and delight moments and none of them have me crumbling at my knees with water falling from my eyes. I can't explain why the Santa Clause Parade makes me become a fumbling idiot but it does. I guess going forth, I need to learn to embrace it.
I've also realized that I haven't posted in a month. Where did that month go? It's not that I haven't written. I started writing 4 other blogs but they don't seem right enough to post. I've also been working on editing my book. Its tough. Not only does it bring up so many memories and emotions, it's really hard to know what to cut out. I've found that I repeated myself a lot but that doesn't surprise me. My mind didn't work, it couldn't comprehend. It's still like that some days, especially during a bad bout of anxiety.
I've also been trying to read more. I miss it but it's hard to do when my mind wanders so much. It's hard to stay focused. I've also been working on my business (Walnut Creek Organics ) which has kept me very busy but in a good way. It's amazing how owning a business can really help you settle back into the work world, though right now it's only me responsible and on my time but its all about baby steps. I would love to grow it into something big, but even if its just small on the side, I'd be happy with that. I like doing it. I also learned how to sew leggings, pants, hats and headbands so I could get more involved, more hands on with it. Accomplishing small tasks, taking baby steps, selling, that's all more important than the money right now. Just being able to see my hard work and have it recognized, getting feedback and support from friends and other business women. It's given me some of my confidence back, which was the number one thing I wanted out of this and I'm already starting to get some.
Now if I could just get these damn emotions over the Santa Clause Parade I'd be set. Pop on by Walnut Creek Organics, take a look, stop by our Facebook page for the book to keep up to date. I intend on having it out for the Spring if all continues to go as planned, which in my life it never does so.....we'll see. Happy holidays, enjoy the snow, embrace the cold, enjoy company, skip the gifts and give time instead.