Thanksgiving is approaching, the time of year when we all take a minute to talk about what we are thankful for. You may think you don’t have anything to be thankful for in the midst of you grief, but don’t worry, society will list off a bunch of things you should be thankful for instead of allowing you to sit in your grief.
They will tell you to be thankful for family and friends, for a roof over our house, for living in a country where you don’t have to worry about extremists or horrendous violence, for your health....the list goes on and on. Society really picks up where you are lacking. I don’t completely blame society, they don’t know what to say and our grief makes them uncomfortable so they say things to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with you and your grief, it’s them. I know you are thankful for things in your life, we all are but don’t let others saying things downplay your grief. You are allowed your emotions and you are allowed to struggle and have hard times regardless of what you should be thankful for.Holiday or not, we know what we are thankful for but at the same time, we still grieve and we can still feel sad. Just because I have a roof over my head and an amazing family does not mean I don't feel sadness over what is happening. Fear over what is to come. Heartache over more loss. Does that make me less thankful? Nope, it probably makes me more thankful for the things I do have but again, it doesn't solve or fix the grief I experience. This grief I have now, this post-divorce grief, it's a whole new path for me. I have not treaded these waters nor did I think I ever would but here I am.
I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I am, my family has been my rock. Though everything, after Ty and Jacobs deaths, through my miscarriage and now. My mom, dad and brother have been there for me and now Phoebe. They continue to help us along our new journey and will help us figure out the new way to live. My friends who call or send a text every now and then, or who will take random road trips with me on a Sunday when I really need to spend time with them. My best friend of over 27 years for being there whenever I need her. I know she will be by my side the moment I ask. Work, I have a job that allows me to provide for Phoebe and I. It helps that I have some amazing co-workers too. There's a lot to be thankful for and I know most feel the same way. We may not always see them everyday but they are there.
But that does not and never will, take away from the pain and grief. There are no "you should be thankful fors....". You can sit in your grief, you are allowed to feel sad and angry, frustrated and mad. You can feel like crawling up into your bed and getting away from the world. Maybe eat an entire carton of ice cream. It's a normal part of the grief journey. Society, whom has not been through these journeys, does not know. They expect one day of grief then pack up and move on. They expect things in life to fill the void of what you are missing but what they fail to realize is that, you can't have happy without sad. You can't have joy without pain. You can't have peace without frustration. Emotions pair together. Negative and positive. You can be thankful and at the same time and yet still grieve. It's okay, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel regardless of what society tells you. You know you are thankful and now you also know it's okay to grieve even while being thankful. The two can go together. Take time during the upcoming months of holidays to really allow yourself what you need.
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