For those wondering, Bee is back to her normal, awesome self. I have to say that her first sickness was quite traumatic for me. I knew the day would eventually come and I'm thankful I was able to be at home with her, but I could go without her getting sick for awhile.
I've struggled with trusting myself as a mother. I've struggled with my mommy instinct. I had no idea what warranted a trip to the hospital and I felt so helpless. It killed me to see her sick, though I did enjoy the snuggles. I questioned everything I did so many times, I replayed scenarios in my head day in and day out. What if I made the wrong decision and it caused her to get even more sick? What if she started having a febrile seizure, I'd have to call 911. I'd ride with her in the ambulance because hell knows I would NEVER leave her side, but how would we get home? Stephen was out of town for the weekend so how would we get home with no carseat? Of course, the more I thought about it the more I realized we do have friends who I'm sure would be willing to pick us up (and ones that have carseats).
I struggled with trying to keep my shit together, I cried so many times. I cried for her, I cried for me. I didn't eat or sleep for days, I was too focused on her. I took her temperature so many times a day her poor armpits were red (we are working on getting a new thermometer, a forehead one). I had the breathing monitor back on as I was terrified she would stop breathing.
She hadn't eaten much and was not keen on drinking anything but milk. My poor boobs must have been tapped out as we literally nursed for almost 48 hours straight. But I had to. She eventually ate crushed ice which was good but I was so fearful of her getting dehydrated (which at 3:00am one morning almost had us out the door to the ER).
It was a challenge for me mentally and physically. I'm still exhausted even a few days later. Bee is back to herself though, happy to see her feeling much better. She still has blisters but they are starting to shrink and look less angry.
I'm thankful we both made it through the first sickness. I suspect this winter will bring the dreaded barf flu, if you know me you know how much I can't stand barf so I look forward to that. It'll be night of the nightmare all over again. I wonder if I'll ever feel more relaxed when she gets sick, perhaps with time?