Today was a day I have been dreading for a year. It started last year when my doctor scheduled me for an endoscope. It was scheduled for April but I rescheduled for May. Let's just say on the day of my appointment in May I "forgot" about the appointment. Okay I didn't really forget, the panic attacks and anxiety leading up to the appointment were enough to make me flake out. I did have every intention of calling to cancel but I did forget that part.
Fast forward to February in which I was re-referred to an endo doctor because of my ongoing stomach issues. I get bad bouts of heartburn (actual burning pain, nausea, coughing, throat irritation, lumpy feeling the whole 9 yards of heartburn symptoms. etc) and constant nausea. I do notice a link between accidentally eating dairy or wheat and anxiety to the issues with my stomach so I didn't really expect much.
I met the doctor ahead of the appointment this time to talk about my concerns. He was great, thankfully pretty compassionate and understanding. He said I could do it non-sedated if I wanted to (my big fear of IV's and sedation were my most concerns) so we scheduled it and there was a 3 week wait (only because I requested an 8am appointment)
Well the day came today. I was pretty nervous the last few days (which probably explains the rise in uncomfortable feelings) though the grant writing class was a nice distraction (as were my parents here the past weekend). However, this morning it took so much to actually make myself walk to the car and get in. I did not want to go but I knew I had to. I read about the procedure many times and felt okay. I knew it wasn't going to be fun but I didn't think it would be too traumatic.
I should have known better. For starters, it was in the hospital. The hospital is one of my biggest ptsd triggers. No matter where I am, the hospital setting is the same. The smells, the sounds the sight., thankfully I was so worried about the procedure that it didn't affect me too much. I had to bite my lip not to start crying from nerves but the pre-procedure dude was pretty funny. We were talking about my fear of needles but he saw my tattoos so we were laughing at the irony of that (on a side note, tattoo pain and iv pain are so vastly different) Though when he was prepping the other lady and mentioned the word IV I started to panic a little.
It didnt take long for them to prep me and get me into the room because I was not being sedated which they told me doesn't happen often. I was wheeled into the room (which like the ambulance ride, made me very dizzy, I guess I won't be going to Canada's Wonderland on the roller coasters anymore) and set me up. I knew how the procedure would go, he talked to me about it and I read about it. They gave me the horribly tasting throat spray (like a really bad very large amount of Sucrets) popped an oxygen monitor on, gave me nose things with oxygen (which the smell of that really got to me, that was triggering) But again the fear of the procedure made it not as fore front as it could have been. I got to bite down on a nice piece of plastic which was tied to my head and told to hold my hands down. Sounds a little barbaric eh?
Then the horrific camera came. I gagged, I belched, I cried, gagged some more. I gagged and bleched and wretched through the whole thing, it was pretty awful. It hurt, it was uncomfortable. I could feel him taking the biopsies and cleaning everything up. It was pretty horrible, a lot worse than I had expected but the golden lining, it was quick. It was over and done with probably in 3 minutes. Would I do it again without sedation? Absolutely! Though I hope I don't need to do it again because that was 3 minute of pure torture. Horrible, just horrible. I've never felt so horrible from a procedure in my life. It hurt and I swear I was going to barf (which is why I guess they recommend no eating 8 hours before the exam, though I did 12 for safe measure) But it was just the most horrible thing I voluntarily put myself through.
The aftermath isn't nice either. I'm hungry since I couldnt eat after 8pm last night but I can't eat. It causes too much pain. I am very uncomfortable and in pain, bloated and nauseous (all of which I was told could happen) I tried to eat, that was a disaster so liquid diet it is for me for at least today. I'm just so hungry, I even went and bought myself a special reward meal for going through with that horrible experience, but I can't eat it :0(. I just hope this pain goes away. It's not as bad when I drink liquids but it is still really uncomfortable.
At least he said he didn't see anything that would be causing my problems (not surprised, I do think its food intolerance related and anxiety related but it's nice to know) He has a few more tests for me (nothing invasive but trauma wise, I know the ultrasound will be hard, they always are) but seemed pretty confident there isn't really anything there so yah? Was it worth it? I guess, it was horrible and now I'm scared about bleeding and accidental tears so I really do hope this pain goes away and I don't have any more problems. It's like that thing I can't think of, you know where you do something to settle your thoughts once you rule out any causes but the procedure could potentially cause problems so you worry about that now instead of the original problem. That thing.
I mean I guess at the end of the day all that matters is Bee will shit her pants when she sees her Frozen bike I found on clearance (last seasons model for 60% off, hell yah, score one for team mom) and seeing her delight in such a small but meaningful thing will make everything worth it. Minus the horrible pain and bloating I am in and the fact that all I want is a greasy cheeseburger (not really that would kill me) I do have a hankering for some coconut red curry and can't eat it. Anyone else have an endoscope (gastroscope) done and had pain and bloating and the inability to eat, how long did it last?