If you spoke to me 10 years ago and told me that at the age of 30 I would be reserving my plot at the cemetery, I would have laughed and told you that you were morbid and that was something older people did. But, sometimes life happens and you do reserve your plot at the young age of 30. Stephen and I had been talking for some time about reserving our plot at the cemetery because it was incredibly important to us to be buried as close as possible to Ty and Jacob.
We had been putting it off for a while now because, lets face it, who wants to face that aspect of death at 30. But we recognized that there were not many spots close to the boys so I went in a few weeks ago to inquire and it's good I did. Despite there being empty lots, all but 1 was reserved. There was only 1 spot left anywhere close to the boys and not only was there 1 spot left, it is in the same row as the boys, like it was meant to be our spot. I had the cemetery put it on hold so we could think about it and by think about it I really mean come up with the money to pay for it because it was important for us.
I trudged through the snow today in my tiny, no winter tires (apparently they don't make them in my size) car to the cemetery to pay for our plot and officially reserve it. I wont lie, it did cost a bit of money but, it was something vitally important to us to do. I need to be buried near the boys and we couldn't risk losing the spot. Merry Christmas to us, we sealed the deal on where we will be buried when we perish. How uplifting for the holiday season.
Speaking of uplifting, the switch to the other medication went a lot smoother. I don't have nearly as many side effects, though I still do have the slight muscle twitching when I lay down and the occasional shakiness (which could be from my inhaler) but no headaches, no urges to be dead, not much anger, I'd even say I feel a bit more motivated. I've been able to get up off the couch and do some stuff. I've also thankfully been able to eat, still not a lot but I'm not losing anymore more weight. I'm on the lowest dose and will stay there since going up will probably cause more side effects. I still do have anxiety but I am working on that in the trauma program. I was blessed to be able to get in already (given it did take 5 months) but I'm starting group shortly and am already in individual counseling for EMDR (which I have heard lots of good things about) I am hopeful through this program to curb my anxiety and wean off the medication but it is nice to know there is a medication that works for me. I know I have a long way to go and it will take a few years (the program is a year -two years) but it gives me my life back.