Bee is sick and I'm that mom. The mom who worries night and day, checks on her child every couple of minutes to see if they are still breathing, bring her into the doctors at the first sign of illness, bring her back a few days later when she has not improved. People say trust my gut, the issue is my gut and I have trust issues. I can't trust my gut, I can't trust my mommy instinct because if I did, Ty would most likely be a live.
So now I worry, I over protect, I'm hard bent on making sure Bee is only sick with a cold and nothing else. She has never been this sick before, not even when she had hand, foot and mouth. She bounced back quickly but this, it's a douys and it's throwing me off my rocker. I don't know what to do, I don't know when to go to the ER, people tell me one thing and I do another. Yes, she may just have a cold but in order for me to sleep at night (what little I have received the last few nights with a sick, up all night child) I need to know it's just a cold. I need to know she won't stop breathing, that an infection hasn't set deep into her lungs because if I don't know, it feeds my thought monster. It feeds the what if's, it feeds the worst case scenario. I may be that mom who goes in when it's un-warranted but at least I can know that my daughter is okay. I will say, we have yet to be to the er but it may be time. I may be that mom who brings her child with only a cold to the er but at least I will know.
At least I can wake up tomorrow and know it's just a cold. At least I can wake up tomorrow and know we can rest and snuggle on the couch all day because it's just a cold but if I don't know that won't happen. I will worry, I will panic, I will be fearful that it's more and that she will die. Because, I may also be the mom whose daughter doesn't have a cold but rather pneumonia and she needs medicine. I can't take the risk, I have to be that mom and know.