Sometimes I feel like packing up and moving away. I see pictures of southern sunny places that look so warm and happy and it makes me want to go there. But there is no southern place in Canada. The urge has been so intense lately. Every time I think about things, it makes me want to move. I want to get away from everything and start over. I think about California and remember how truly happy I was. How at peace and relaxed I felt. I haven't felt the same since we came back home.
Sometimes I wonder if we did move, if it would satisfy this need to get away and start over or if it would be the same as here. I don't know and wouldn't know until it happened. There's always the possibility it could happen but that makes me anxious. Its funny, when we thought months ago we may have to move, I was against it (and this was just an hour away) but now, I just have this desire. I'm searching for something, not quite sure what it is. Perhaps going on a vacation would help , maybe it won't but it sure wouldn't hurt!
I heard a mom today talking to her little girl today about their recent trip to Cuba and it make me think of Mexico. I deeply regret not enjoying myself while I was there. I would love a do over. At least my memories now are very fond and make me smile. It's just nice to get away, maybe that's all I need. Maybe I don't desire to pack up and leave. I do have moments when I drive around this city and really feel it is my home but lately, I don't have that connection. Not even the boys being buried here has any weight on this feeling. It's odd. I guess I can start with going on a vacation and see how I feel after that. But where to go.........