I knew I felt emotional yesterday and boy was it a hard day. We ended up going to church and there were two babies being baptized. All I could think about was how it should be me up there with Ty, having him welcomed into Christ's family and how I should be so thankful that Matea would be with us soon and going through the same thing. I was teary eyed the whole service and it took so much not to break down and just let it all out. They didn't do prayers of the people this week, I am thankful for that, I know the tears would not have survived that and I would have had to leave.
It was also the butterfly release, again, very emotional. It took all my strength to go see Ty's name engraved on the wall because I knew just below his name was a blank spot and I knew exactly what name would be there next year, right under Tiberius S. Nelles would be Matea F. Nelles and that broke my heart. Not only was it hard to see Ty's name on the wall of children who are no longer with us, but I knew seeing that empty spot, specially reserved for Matea would do me in and it did. I just let the tears fall, I wasn't the only one so it was nice to be in a setting where people understood the tears and didn't ask questions.
I had such a nice night out with a very good friend and my hubby. We ate at the best Chinese food place in London (Dragon Gate). It was nice to get out and laugh and feel semi-"normal". It's nice to have those moments where my mind is not constantly on grief. IT was very much needed and made me realize I need to do it more often. The only downfall is I think I am getting sick. Two days not feeling warm with a cough and a sore throat. I already drink plenty of fluids so who knows what else I can do but rest.