I have come to the conclusion that next time we are close to bringing a baby home we will need a new bassinet and pack and play. Many may wonder where this came from so I'll tell you. A few days ago I was looking for something and happened to be looking under the guest bed, where the current bassinet and pack and play are. Obviously I saw it as I was looking for something by it....and seeing it made me stop in my tracks and think and I have been thinking ever since. That bassinet has held so many hopes and dreams and twice now it has been set up only to be taken down without being used. It has never felt the weight of a baby, it has never felt the joy of holding onto precious life and I sat there staring at it thinking.....there is no way in hell I can use that bassinet if we are so lucky to bring a baby home. I simply can not do it. I can not set that stupid thing up again only to have it put away with ever being used. Sure, I may not know if it won't be used but the idea of what it represents, I just can't do it. The bassinet and the pack and play are the only things I have issues with using again. Maybe it's because I have set them up and taken them down so many times it pisses me off that they've never been used....I don't know but all I do know is Stephen and I will be on the look out for a new bassinet and pack and play (doesn't have to be new I meant new to us) We aren't in need of one and won't be any time soon but I just had to get it out that there are certain things I simply can not deal with anymore and the bassinet and pack and play are one of them. I kind of feel the same way about the car seat but it was expensive so I know we'll stick to using the one we have. I also didn't have to wake up for 16 months and stare at the car seat so it's not as bad. But I did have to wake up for 16 months and stare at the bassinet and pack and play and now seeing that stupid design on it, with the matching sheets I got for it....I just can't do it. Instead of filling it with a little one, our dreams, our hopes and our future I was left filling it with sympathy cards, bears that were to represent our boys, their photos, their socks and hats that they never wore nor would wear and a lot of tears. I hope it makes someone else as happy and excited as it made us except I hope they get to put their hopes and dreams into it. It's pretty lonely but I can't stand looking at the stupid animal design anymore.
And on a completely different note because I am impressed, the pork-chops I made tonight deserve an award...seriously, they are restaurant worthy. I'm not kidding, I will SO be making them again!
Lastly, check out Tycob's Boutique on facebook, it is up and running! I also created a special line for rainbow babies....still working on something for baby loss mamas but each of my items are named after an angel. I'm excited I was finally able to get things up and running and now I can spend more time on lovingly creating new items to add.