Sunday is Canada day, our plans, stay inside all day in the nice cool ac. I don't do well with heat and we did go out two years ago for Canada day but it was a nice cool day. We usually head down to Harris Park for all the festivities and then watch fireworks at night but I think we'll skip the festivities and head out only to the fireworks. The first year we went and watched them downtown, last year we just watched then up by where we live (which is where we will be again this year) It's just another holiday to remind me of what should be. The last two Canada days I was pregnant with the boys and by the time it was Canada day, they were both old enough in the womb to be able to hear and both of them kicked like crazy at the fireworks. I was hoping we could bring them to see the fireworks the last year and this year but that will not be the case. I honestly don't even know if I can bring myself to go see the fireworks. It's too much of a reminder. There are kids everywhere and Ty and Jacob should be here as well. There will be no kicks this year, no baby kicking because they are wondering what the heck all the loud booms are. Just silence...
I really do not feel like participating, it's the same for any holiday really. It just hurts too much, I had so many hopes and dreams for holidays and use to look forward to them but it's not the same anymore. It's just another day I want to pass by, get it over with so I can get on. Things are so crazy around here lately, this whole EI mess is getting out of hand and I'm pissed off they won't deal with it now. When I call back on Tuesday I am going to voice how I feel about this and demand a lot from them for making this into a huge mess. There was a reason I didn't submit my mat leave application last Fall you morons, you have no right to go ahead and automatically process it just because I handed in an ROE 9 months later. I would have submitted it if I wanted it processed and you can't just assume things because then it f's everyone up. It also pisses me off even more that they won't deal with this NOW, it's getting more and more out of hand now that the CRA thinks I made more money last year which pushes us into the next category and now we owe taxes and won't be getting our refund that we were relying on this month....like seriously, deal with this mess you created because your morons, why do I continue to have to suffer? It's such BS. Like I need all the extra added stress and frustration right now, now I don't. Things are messed up enough as it is without all of this crap. I'm feeling very pressured to go back to work and that people expect me to go back full time quite quickly when just thinking about going back for even a day seems like so much. I just wish people would back off and let me do this on my own time, but if I do that, well then financially we will be ruined and it sucks. It all sucks and holidays just remind me of how much everything really sucks.
I hate holidays. I especially hate Canada day this year, I am not proud to be Canadian, the government is screwing up my life and continues to do shit for us, the last thing I want to do is recognize that I am Canadian. It's the first time in my life that I am not proud to be Canadian. I've seen how they treat their citizens and it ain't pretty. Holidays always make me so bitter and this one is no different. I'm sure it wouldn't have been so bad had the Canadian government not screwed us but they have and it makes me hate it even more. I'm just going to go sulk and sleep away the weekend. I have a lot of people to talk to next week to get things straightened out and I will DEMAND they do give me a letter! I want this in writing. But to any other Canadians who read this, or even Americans, I hope you all enjoy your weekends and have a lot of fun. Remember to wear lots of sunscreen, stay hydrated (with water, alcohol will just increase your risk of heat stroke) don't play with fireworks and don't drink and drive. Most of all enjoy the fireworks for me, I am incapable of enjoying things at the moment but I hope others can for me. Time with family and friends is also nice and so are potlucks and BBQ's. At least someone can enjoy this weekend!