We went and reserved Matea's plot at the cemetery today. We dealt with the same guy as last time and he was really nice. She will be buried right beside Ty. We did manage to hold it together quite well this time. I think because we are still in shock and I know personally I pretty much cried myself dry yesterday, but it was quick and over with and then we went and saw Ty. Something that bothers me about the whole cemetery thing is that my husband and I now own two pieces of land, those two pieces of land are our childrens plots at the cemetery. Not a house, not a place to build a house but our childrens plots. One for our son, one for our daughter, it just doesn't seem fair. How is it fair? We own two grave plots before we even own a house?
A lot of people don't understand our decision to carry Matea to term. All I can say is she is our daughter, we love her and this is the only time we will have with her, we want to enjoy every moment (I think she agrees, she's kicking away) Not only that but she is a Gift from God (hence why we named her Matea) it is not our choice to end her life, God will make the decision for us when he thinks she is ready and in the meantime we can get to know our little girl, just like we got to know Ty.
It is not an easy road we are about to travel but we have great support, not only do my husband and I have each other but my parents have been at our side through everything. We are so blessed to have them in our lives. Our family, friends, parish, bereaved family are all there for us. We are surely not alone in our decision and those who get it, are right by our side. We are very thankful for that. It's small things like these that give us some peace and happiness in the matter. For me, my husband is my rock, even on our darkest of days he can still make me smile, give me peace, love and happiness. I would not make it through if it were not for him. He gives me strength and courage.
Though today has been okay for the most part (as okay as it can be in our situation), I have been in a bit of pain and I am praying it is nothing more then growing pains. I am not ready for our little girl to leave yet, I'm still holding on for a miracle. This afternoon has been a lot of rest and relaxation, catching up on some missed shows and about to make some Queso. Matea went crazy over Queso yesterday so I need to give her more (really have to twist my arm here) I'm trying to pay attention to what she likes the most so I can make sure she gets plenty of it. I pray she holds on and beats the odds, I look forward to getting to know her over the next few months. Mommy and Daddy love you Tea Bear