I get that some people don't understand our decision to carry Matea to term but I don't get why they have to be so critical and try to make us feel bad. For one thing, it's not your decision to make and unless you have been in this exact situation you really have no right to say anything. Unless you know the decision we have had to made then you really have no opinion or do you have a right to say anything when you don't know.
Common questions I get that some of you may want to ask yourselves:
1.Why are you carrying to term? My husband and I made the decision before we were pregnant that we would never end our child's life unless it could greatly affect my health. We believe each baby is a gift from God and we don't feel it is our choice to end our child's life nor do we want to. Our baby has a strong heartbeat, our baby has a brain, our baby has a personality, our baby kicks and hiccups and loves to be kissed, our baby is a human being with a soul (some may disagree but I don't care to hear) this is what we believe and this is what our decision is based upon. We love our baby and will fight for our baby. We will never give up on our baby because no parent would ever give up on a sick child they have been told would die, whether in the womb or already living. As a parent you do what is best for your child and you fight for your child and that is what we are doing. We choose to believe that there is still a very small chance of hope that a miracle will be granted by God and we are putting our faith into his hands. He will decide when it is time for Matea to join Ty in Heaven (or help her grow a kidney and live) and until then we continue to pray for a miracle and enjoy our little girl while we have her. It is amazing how much you can get to know a child in the womb. Having said that, I do not criticize anyone who chooses to terminate or induce early, that is their own decision and I pray for them since they even had to make that extremely difficult decision. Every situation is different and everyone's choices are made in their best interest and what I mentioned above is just our personal choice. Even if you have been in the situation it is not right to tell others their decision is wrong, no one can really say anything unless you are us and no one is so I understand if you don't get our decision or don't agree with it but please keep those comments to yourself. This is about my husband and I and our choice, our journey with our Sweet Matea and our faith in God that he does have a plan for her. We know the value of 9 months having lost our son an we look forward to the 9 months we have with our daughter and would not change that at any point.
2. Won't your baby suffer? This is a question that really bothers me, people telling us that our baby will suffer. We have been guaranteed by the doctors that Matea will never suffer, if she is born living she will NOT suffer. Think of it like this, many old people on their death beds are provided medical comforts to help them ease any pain they may or may not be in and to just genreally make them more comfortable and peaceful, this is the same kind of care provided to any infant born that may struggle. They are given comfort care so that they never feel any pain or discomfort. Matea will be given the same so NO she will not suffer at all. All she will ever know is love and happiness and comfort. The fact that we may be blessed with holding our daughter while she passes is frightening enough we do not need people telling us it will be in vain. You don't know so don't try to tell me she will. I'm pretty sure doctors know more then anyone and they, as well as others who have been through this, have told us the babies do not suffer and I truly believe God would never let her suffer. If you think so, so be it but I don't care to hear about it.
3. Will this be like a normal pregnancy? Well in one sense no, our baby is not expected to live so it is very different then a "normal" pregnancy. However, I am still pregnant and have all the joys of being pregnant, the morning sickness, the hip pain, the headaches, the water retention and swelling, the weight gain, the growing belly etc....my body does not know my baby will not survive so it is still in full pregnancy mode. Because I am still in full pregnancy mode and I choose to believe there is a small chance of Matea living, I will continue to live as though she will live. I will take my prenatal vitamins, I will eat healthy, I will get a little exercise (I am limited due to my placenta) I will not drink (though I don't anyways) just becasue my daughter is not expected to live does not mean I should give up, I'll never give up. I am still pregnant and will live as so.
4. What causes this condition? As of right now it is just a "fluke" I hate that word because that's why we lost Ty too, it seems we have really shitty luck when it comes to having our own kids. However, we did have genetic testing done and they are re-looking into Ty's case and will test Matea once she is born to see if there is an underlying problem that could have caused it. But as of right now, there is nothing my husband or I did or didn't do, these things just happen (I hate saying that because this is now our second loss) No one really knows what causes Bi-Lateral Renal Agenesis, other then a possible genetic link but more or less, it's just something that for some reason at that point between week 5-7 the kidneys do not get the signal to grow. The cells just do not form.
5. Is my life at risk? At the moment no. Carrying Matea will not put my life in danger. I am at risk of getting anything that every pregnancy gets (preeclampsia, early labour etc) but I am not at greater risk then anyone else. My placenta is low right now (placenta previa) and that may lead to a problem but whether I would deliver now or later does not really change that outcome. All it means is that I may need a c-section to control the bleeding after the baby is born. But carrying Matea will not change that outcome, the only thing that will change is if the placenta moves up (which we are praying for so we can have a natural delivery) or if it moves even lower down. That is the only concern at the moment. It may lead to a blood transfusion or a hysterectomy but it makes no difference when I deliver Matea. It is a chance I am wiling to live with to get to hold my living baby girl in my arms.
6. What can I do to help? Right now there isn't too much. We are asking everyone to pray for a miracle and help her grow a kidney but if God chooses to take her we are praying for my placenta to move up and give us a few hours with her on earth before she joins Ty in Heaven. Sending cards letting us know you are thinking about is is always welcome. Reading our blog to stay updated (it's much easier to write on here so everyone can read then repeating ourselves daily) Be willing to listen to us when we are having a hard time. Help us enjoy our pregnancy. Talk about our pregnancy and about Matea (you all know we love talking about our children) Help us prepare for her birth and anytime we may have with her. Celebrating the time we have with her and doing everything we can to make memories. We will need help afterward (especially if I have a c-section) so possibly start thinking about how to help after, preparing meals, helping clean, taking care of groceries or laundry, anything we need and don't let us say no.
Also, try not to ignore our situation, we deal with it head on every day and are choosing to try to celebrate and enjoy it. I don't like when people look at my belly and get this look of sadness on their face, say something, talk about it we know people have questions, feel free to ask them but we do ask that you keep your opinions to yourself. We are blessed to have become pregnant again after loosing our son and we are choosing to cherish every moment we have with our daughter so cherish it with us. If there are things in your every day life that remind you of Ty or Tea, take pictures and send them our way. I'd love to know how people are reminded of our children.
Speaking of children, Matea has a very big appetite so I need to go feed her. I'm sorry if this blog offends anyone or is a bit harsh but that's the reality of this situation. All we ask is that we have support, whether you understand our decision or not, whether you agree with our situation or not, keep the negativity to yourself, we don't need that, we are trying to stay as positive as we can and we ask that others do the same. This is a very hard road for us but it is one we were given to follow and will gladly accept it. Here's to every little kick, hiccup and moment we have with our daughter, a time to truly cherish and be thankful for.