Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss? My mom and dad were there both times we found out about the boys not surviving. They have been our rock through this, helping in whatever way we need them too. They are not only amazing as parents (the best a child could ask for) but as grandparents too. They always talk about Ty and Jacob and include them in things they do. They are the only ones who still live with our loss. Other than our friends who have had losses themselves the rest of our family seems to have moved on. It seems most people move on, we are the only ones who get up every day and think about our loss (other than my parents) I don't expect people to wake up every day and think about Ty and Jacob, they aren't as important in their lives as they are too us but it seems most people just forget about them or don't want to talk about them for fear of hurting our feelings. Well let me tell you, talking about our children does not hurt our feelings, it makes our hearts happy. The other thing about this question that isn't clear is what family are you referring too. Through this last year we have come to a new definition of "family". When we were refer to family it isn't always our blood family but rather those that love us, support us and care for us like family should. These are people in our lives who started out as friends but have gained the respect to become a part of our family. They have stood by our side, held us when we cried, cooked us food, visited us in the hospital, called, e-mailed, sent cards, sent cheques, sent love and support, checked in even though we told them we were fine, those people are very much a part of our family and in that aspect they have been outstanding. Our special extended family is what we refer to them as, they know who they are. They stopped by to drop off food because they knew we would need to eat, they organized to have others drop off food, they've listened to us tell our story, they've hugged us when we cried, they refer to Ty and Jacob a lot, they remember the important days. It's amazing what we have gained from such a horrible last year but I would not trade this family for anything. They have stepped up far beyond what most blood families do. I don't think anyone but my parents talk about Ty and Jacob or have pictures in their house. We've learned over the last year who our real family is. Thanks to all the ones who stepped up when no one else was there. As I am typing this we are watching NCIS and they are talking about the exact thing. Abby just found out she was adopted and said she didn't know who she was or who her family was and Gibbs told her, families aren't all about DNA, its about the people who care for you and take care of you. How so very true....Thanks NCIS..
I went for another exercise walk today, even though it was pouring rain! I am determined to get back in shape but I need to remind myself to take it easy so I don't hurt myself so I can attain my goals. Right now I want to get out for a 30 minute walk a day and gradually increase the walk to some jogging then some running but for now my goal is everyday no matter what the weather. Sunday will be my day off as it is our family day and always will be. I started putting my foot down with what food comes into this house as well. The only way to truly solve it is do the grocery shopping by myself and once I can carry heavy things I will. It seems when I bring the hubbie, junk food always ends up in the cart and it's not that I want it but when it's in the house and I see it, I eat it so I started saying no and once I can go by myself I will. I'm just trying to focus on something, some goal I know is reasonable that I can have control over obtaining. I do have control over my weight, I have control over my exercise, I have control over my food, I can loose the weight I want to and get healthy. It's just a matter of finding the motivation and some days that is hard. The decision to try again won't come for a while but part of that decision will be my health so I think I want to make sure I am in the best health in case we decide to try again versus adoption next. Hopefully that will keep me motivated and so I can feel better about myself because right now I hate my body, I'm embarrassed by it. Now if my body will cooperate and let me shed this extra love sooner rather than later.