Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel. We collected money to donate books to put in the memory boxes the hospital makes but because of our situation with Jacob we have not done it yet. We also intend on building a garden next year in the cemetery for all the little ones buried there. We do things in memory of them and live on in their names. We also have their pictures and mementos everywhere in the house (some are still in a box but we need more room to display them...house anyone?) Of course, I also got tattoos of the boys feet prints. In our living room we have Ty's shadow box, their pictures, a candle I light at night (battery operated) their Molly bears and some other memories we have that remind us of them. In our hallway we have all their footprints/hand/foot molds and some gifts we were given by people in memory of them. We still have a lot more in a larger box like clothes, blankets, more pictures and other mementos we just need more space to hang them. I want to make a few more shadow boxes. Ty also has a scrapbook and Jacob has a picture book until I can make a scrapbook. In our room we have more of their pictures and little teddy bears that the boys have at their graves. I also have my monkey that Jacob has in his casket with him. I made a memorial movie of Ty (that once I figure out how to convert it I will post) and I intend on doing one for Jacob as well. On their birthdays we will always make their special cake (Ty's is pumpkin cheesecake and Jacob's is carrot cake) and send balloons up to them. We're still figuring out other Holidays, the only one we know is at Christmas we'll have a big decorated Christmas tree on their grave. Other then that we'll figure out holiday things as we go along, every holiday they will have something at their graves and we'll have something similar at home.
I feel that Ty is really being overshadowed, not only by Jacob's birth and two days of life but by his birthday. October 15th is not only Ty's birthday but it is also the international recognition of pregnancy and infant loss day. I kind of feel Ty got jipped, most people get two days to celebrate their angels, their birthdays and then October 15th, those fall on the same day for Ty and I feel he isn't remembered as much by others because everyone is trying to raise awareness about pregnancy loss and infant loss. I thought it would be even more meaningful for him to share the day, be a "face" for the campaign but he seems to be overshadowed by messages. I don't want people to forget Ty, he is as much our son as Jacob is. He is as loved and missed as Jacob is. He was our first born, he taught us so much. Tomorrow is his birthday and a day dedicated solely to him.
Today has been a hard day, it was this day a year ago we found out Ty would not be coming home with us but going right up to Heaven...a year ago I was in labor with Ty, a year ago we were preparing to say Hello and Goodbye with no idea what to expect, we didn't have much guidance. We didn't know what to do once he got here, we weren't told to take our time with him. I still remember our nurses Tammy and Lisa, one so clearly saddened over our situation. They did as much for as as they could. So much has changed in the last year, today was the start of that change. Around 2:00pm is when we found out our world would never be the same, we learned we would have an angel in Heaven instead of a son on Earth, we began our journey of grief, a couple so young and new and the first thing we had to deal with is the hardest thing anyone has to deal with, the loss of a child. It has left a profound effect on Stephen and I, we were forever changed from this day one year ago. We will never be the same, what we have experienced in the last year has been hell but worth every minute of it. A year ago....a year ago...sigh....I miss you Ty Ty. A year since we held you....a year.....