I write this knowing most of you will read it. It has been about a year (I can't remember the exact day, it's a miracle if I remember what I have for breakfast) since we headed to that building on Wharncliffe Rd, we walked those stairs (or took the elevator because the stairs were closed when winter was actually winter) we opened that door, walked down the hall and into the room where 5 baby loss couples (minus a husband or two) who had dealt with such sorrow became a family. I can remember Stephen and I didn't attend the first meeting, fear struck me down on the idea of going to that meeting. The second week I got the courage and strength to go and it is then I met people I cannot imagine my life without. I think it goes to say, I wish we could have met under different circumstances, but I am very thankful to have each and everyone of you in my life (and I know Stephen is as well) We were all alone, walking the road of grief as sole survivors until a kind hearted lady set aside some time for us to find others to join our journey. We shared some of our deepest darkest feelings during the weeks we spent in that room, we cried, we laughed, we shared our angels.
Even as the meetings ended we still gathered during special times. Ruby's 2nd birthday picnic at the garden, the butterfly release, Jacob's birth and his funeral, welcoming miracle baby Anna into the world, new jobs, life moving on but no matter what, we know we always had people to rely on. People who just get it. People I find so much comfort in being around. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. The support you gave us through everything we dealt with Jacob was the best. The meals that were provided for a few weeks afterwords kept us going. The hours of pain I went through to have my boys footprints permanently placed on my body, the donuts that were eaten, the hot drinks that were shared, Thanksgiving, visits in the hospital (and one from a not so scary clown). It has been a year, a very long year for us but it's only because of you that we have and continue to make it through. Our angels will forever keep us together, a family I am so thankful for and proud to be apart of. I cannot express my gratitude for each and everyone of you, how each of you has helped us, carried us, loved us and supported us in all your own unique ways.
Even though we may not see each other every week like we did a year ago, know we are never far. We are always a phone call (or facebook message) away. I personally continue with my struggle but I know all of you understand and even though I am at a very different point in my grief journey, having you all by my side means a lot. Thank you for a wonderful last year, thank you for letting me cry when I needed to cry and crying a long with me. Thank you for letting me get to know your angels and make me feel I was anything but alone. Thank you for contributing to my life in many different ways. Thank you for remembering my boys. I look forward to the year ahead with you all and continue to hope and pray 2012 brings many wonderful things for all of us.
And to our future infant loss group, I look forward to getting to know each of your angels and becoming a family.