Our doctors appointment was disappointing, we left with more questions then answers. We did not get an ultrasound like she said she would give us, we didn't really set up a plan, our questions weren't answered, the only good thing was we heard Tea's heartbeat and were able to record it, I LOVE the sound...my sweet little girl. Anyways, I don't blame my doctor, she is a normal OB and does not deal with cases like this because she is not high risk so we are going to switch doctors to a high risk doctor. The only down fall is the doctor we are going with was very particular about delivering sooner rather then later and we are not going to do that. I just wish we had the support of the medical community, they only care about making things easy, well I don't want to take the easy way out, not when it comes to my daughter. I will fight for her. Maybe he will understand our desire to have more ultrasounds and check ups to see our daughter since it is the only time we will get with her. At least he will be able to help us make a plan and tell us what to expect. After talking to a few BRA/Potter's moms I have a better understanding of what can happen and it sounds like my husband and I have a lot of decisions to make. Very hard ones at that. I do trust that God will take her when she is ready and make it peaceful whether it be 30 minutes or 2 hours. We are starting to write our birth plan and get things in place since this will be very different then it was with Ty, especially if she is born living. There are so many things to consider but I will post once we are done (in a few weeks) For now we are enjoying listening to her heartbeat, we'll have to get another recording because I imagine the battery will wear out, I love listening to that precious little strong heartbeat. Also waiting patiently until we can see our little girl on the screen and watch her move and wiggle and see who she looks like. As hard as this is, we do cherish times we get to see or hear our daughter.
So next week is genetic testing and hopefully an ultrasound, both of which I am terrified about. I think most doctors appointments scare me because I go in every time wondering if there will be a heartbeat. I can feel her kick, she thankfully takes after her big brother in the kicks department, so I don't worry as much as long as I feel her kicking, but the genetics testing, that scares me. I am so scared they will tell us we are not able to have children, that we are not genetically compatible to produce living children. I know we will have children one way, whether its our own or through adoption but the thought of what they can find really scares me. There's so many things that can go wrong, I think last time I was so nervous because I wanted the doctor to say the diagnosis was wrong, I wanted so bad for there to be fluid and a kidney but we didn't even get to see her so the little hope I had, in one sense is still there, but in another sense it is gone. Maybe God had a reason for making us wait, maybe he needed some more time to help her out and didn't want us to give our hopes up yet. I don't know, I won't know, all I know is I want to see my little girl. I want to hear her sweet heartbeat and see her cute little nose. I cannot wait for our 3D/4D ultrasound, 30 minutes of getting to see her move all around and wiggle and see if she really is a girl and have it all recorded for us and have pictures of her...it'll be a nice day, good memories, I only wish we had done it with Ty. So many regrets, so many hard decisions to make, so many heartbreaking tough decisions we have to make in preparation for her birth and her loss. The next few weeks will be tough but in there, we get to see our little girl and that is something that makes me happy, something so special to cherish. Ohh Matea Bug, Mommy and Daddy love you so much and we know big brother Ty is up in Heaven watching over you and waiting for your safe arrival, we only hope you bless us with some time with you on earth before you head up to be with Ty. We are so thankful you are in our lives and we feel blessed to take the tough road to give you the best time on earth, even if it is short. We patiently wait for your arrival, come only when you are ready. We will be waiting with lots of love and snuggles for you baby girl. xo