I feel that not only have I let others down, I have let myself down a lot lately. I had so many plans to get Tycob's Boutique up and running by mid-January but I have failed. I find it so hard to do much these days with my thyroid being so off, I simply do not have an once of energy to do much. All I want to do is sleep all day (though I rarely take naps). I feel more tired now then I did when I was pregnant with Ty. At least then I did allow myself to nap. I am on day 3 of taking the next dose up and I'm really hoping it helps soon. Today I noticed my toes weren't as cold as they have been, so I'm praying that's a good sign. I go to see the doctor again next week and if I'm still exhausted I'll see if we can bump up my blood test to see if it's still off the charts. It needs to start working, it needs to get better. I have a lot that I need to get done and really need the energy to do it. It's just too hard some days.....I am beyond exhausted.
I have been working on cleaning our house and making the best of what we have. So far I am liking it. If we're going to be here a bit longer might as well enjoy it right? I just know as soon as we get all settled and I finish we'll find a new place. I still have not tackled the mouse poop infested closet but I am waiting until I can get a full coverall body suit, gloves, glasses and a mask before I tackle that area. It's a disaster of mouse poop....We've caught 13 so far between the kitchen and storage closet (mostly storage closet) and seem to be dwindling down the catch and release program (hubbies refuses to kill them) I just don't want to clean until I know we are on top of controlling them. I'm hoping it's soon, I really want to clean that closet out. I only did a few areas and had 4 bags of garbage and 6 to donate so I can only imagine what the largest closet in the house may bring....dead mice probably and other things...
I don't know if I mentioned but Stephen and I picked up the maintenance job at our church. We were looking for more ways to help and it was needed so we volunteered. It's such an easy job and one I don't mind doing, gives me exercise. I just make Stephen clean all the garbage's and we split the rest. I like being at church so it's nice to be there when it is really quiet and just sit in a pew and pray, listen to the quietness of life.
Something else new in grief has popped up lately. I've never had a problem with other babies that would be Ty and Jacob's age until 2 weeks ago. I was waiting to give blood and a mom with a little girl Jacob's age sat beside me and I lasted all of 10 seconds before I booked it and went back later (I think I remember writing a blog about that). Well today in church I got a bit teary eyed because there are 3 little boys Ty's age and a little girl Jacob's age and it's really hitting me hard now for some reason. I thought with time you get better, it seems it's just getting worse. Maybe my meds have finally settled in and my feelings are coming back up....wish my mind would come back too, really miss that. Oh and the energy.....sigh....so many things to think about and I pray this next weekend brings answers to one of our biggest prayers.......I really hope next week I can write a hopeful blog, I want to share some good news I really do. We need this....we really really need this and have been praying our hearts out for it.