On this day of your life, Jessica, we believe God wants you to know ... that faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty. Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!
All I have right now is faith...turns out (we found out last night) the NICU at the hospital where we live is full beyond capacity and Jacob is not top priority so he will not be here today. They are estimating Tuesday and it very well may be in Toronto (2 1/2 hours away) or Ottawa (8 hours away) that we may have to deliver. Needles to say I am not please, I understand the reasons why, they want to make sure they have the best team for our baby but for the sake of having another stillbirth it is pushing it wayyyy to close to the week we lost Ty and I am not okay with that. We were told they wouldn't go near 37 weeks because of that and now their telling us they have to get closer to that date. Even with all the extra monitoring I do not feel comfortable but there is absolutely nothing we can do which really sucks! I am upset and frustrated, they told us all week Saturday is the day, Saturday is the day then last night at 10pm they say oh now it may not be until Tuesday because your baby isn't top priority, do I need to remind them that even though they continue to see Jacob doing well that Ty was doing perfectly well too and that in most likely a matter of a night we lost him? Do they not remember that? I haven't slept, I am too afraid to sleep. The days aren't horrible because I can feel him move and he usually moves quite a bit. But at night I can't do anything. I set alarms so I am up every hour, I wait to feel him kick lots, I go to bed late, I wake up early and now their telling me I may have 3 more nights of that? I just feel I can't take much more. We have been through so much and now this. Not even that it is being postponed but that it may not even be in London after all, we may have to travel 2-8 hours away. I get why, they want to make sure they have the best team for him but a person can only take so much...I just wish they would tell us already. I haven't been able to eat or drink because they were waiting on a c-section....well I was able to eat breakfast but now the food and water game awaits yet again. I can only hope the two women who are in labour today have perfectly healthy babies and that NO more babies needing NICU come in tonight so that we can go first thing tomorrow morning. I am fine waiting until tomorrow, it is God's day after all and how much more fitting would it be for God's little miracle to be born on his day? I just wish they'd tell us but they can't for sure. Past Sunday....yeah we'll see about that....pretty sure I am going to be a bothering basketcase. Just hook me up to the monitors 24/7 because I am going to have him monitored a lot! So that is the update...it is now a waiting game and a possible move to another city far away from home if they don't have the space...all of this has made me realize I want to go back to school to research how to find a way to test the baby's lungs before they are born, because if there was this would not be an issue at all. Uggghhh......at least Ty was nice and had the cups restocked for us....and my breakfast sandwich was quite delicious....now comes more waiting....please pray that there is a spot for Jacob tomorrow in the NICU so we can get him here safely. Prayers for him not even needing the NICU