I swear, it has poured on us for over a year now. As if loosing the boys wasn't hard enough, we've taken a huge hit financially and it couldn't come at a worse time. We NEED to move, let me stress the NEED. There is no way to control the mouse problem in our house because of the way it was built, however many 100's of years ago that was. This house is causing me to be ill and now it's all adding up. Stephen was not offered the permanent position. They said they are keeping him on to do other work but that there will be about 3 months out of the next 10 where he won't have many hours so I don't know what we are going to do. It's great that he has impressed them enough that they want to keep him around and he wants to stick around but financially it puts us in more of a bind then we already are and that's not taking into account that we HAVE to move. I simply cannot return to work full time anytime soon. I am not ready, I'm barely able to work on getting back there even for an hour. I just wish something good would happen to us. I'm so tired and exhausted of all this crap, all this worrying, all this stress. We've worked our butts off, we both have University degrees, we had a plan, we had hopes and dreams and since October 14th, 2010 our world has been hell. We have not been able to catch a break.
The worst part is, I'd suck up my pride and ask for help but we "make too much" according to the government. They only give money to low lifes who do nothing but sit around smoking, drinking and doing drugs and doing absolutely nothing to try and find a job. Maybe that's a bit harsh but it is reality. People who are educated, doing everything they can to better their lives, trying to find employment and are just temporarily struggling are not offered any help. It makes me frustrated and angry. I'll be the first to say it, I want a break, I want something to be done for us. I'm tired of struggling and trying to make it work. We are trying out hardest but the reality of life keeps biting us in the butt. I just hate it so much....I can't wait until the day I can write a good blog...a happy blog...something positive...but I'm sorry followers, crabby, frustrated, angry Jessica will be around for a while more. Unless a miracle happens but I'm starting to think those don't actually happen. I really feel like Job today.
If I'm not on for a few days it is because I am frantically trying to look for a new place to live so I can start to get better. Staying here is just going to prolong this illness it is causing me. I'm done being exhausted so much that I can't keep my eyes open, being dizzy, warm, sore, achy, fever like, nauseous and all the other things it is causing me. Here's to PRAYING when I get back on and write I can report some good news.....doubtful but hey a girl can pray can't she? I'd say hope but I have none left.