The baby itch that is. There's a few signs that made me realize in my heart I must be ready to try again...the main one was what my husband said last night. He had come into the living room and asked why I was getting all the baby stuff out. In all honesty the only thing I had gotten out was the high chair seat to see if it would fit on our new chairs and I had bought a bouncer since we needed one and it was on sale at the Zeller's liquidation. Speaking of which, the sales are only 10-30% off right now, most items only being 10. They will increase it as the weeks go on so if you need any stuff, head on over! That's all but I guess that made him think I was getting everything else out which got me thinking.
Firstly, one thing I am really struggling with right now is feeling like a "mom". I don't feel like a mom, I don't see myself as a mom and I'm having a very hard time connecting with the fact that yes, I do have two little boys they just happen to be in Heaven. Even just taking the high chair out and setting it up reminded me that yes, our house is suppose to have baby things in them because I had two babies. I know I put everything away because it was too hard to look at but I think I'm getting to the point where it is too hard not to look at them and I slowly want to bring some of the baby things out. I want the hope that they will be used one day. One of the reasons we need to move is simply because we have no room and if I started bringing out the baby stuff it'd be cramped. So for now only a few things will remain out and I hope it helps me connect to the fact that I am a mother...there is a reason I have baby thing in my house.
Secondly, I think in my heart I do want to try again. Stephen has mentioned a lot lately that he feels emotionally ready and I think I'm getting to that point. We will be going on 7 months next month and I'm so thankful we had to wait due to the c-section because it has given us time to step back and recoup and think about our lives. I don't feel physically ready, I'd still like to loose some weight and make sure my body is healthy (I'll know next Wednesday how my blood work turns out, I had EVERYTHING tested) so it is a step in the right direction. We're at a place now where if it happened I think we would be okay but there are still some things we need to take care of...me going back to work and moving and until those are settled I don't foresee anything happening, not to mention (GUYS STOP READING GO TO NEXT PARAGRAPH) at this point my cycle will not allow for me to get pregnant. I only ovulate about 5-10 days before my cycle begins and that is not a healthy Luteal Phase so I take it as my body's sign that it is not ready yet. I just hope it straightens that out in a few months because the last thing I want is to now have problems getting pregnant.
So for now we will continue on. I need to work on getting back to work and we really need to get our lives settled and running before we are financially ready but it is nice to know we are both emotionally in a healthy spot if it were to happen. In the meantime I will continue to mommy my fur babies as they will always need their mommy.