Next Wednesday is Jacob's 1 year in Heaven, well his actual birthdate, his Heaven date is the 7th. I have absolutely nothing planned and feel horribly guilty about it but I am beyond exhausted to plan anything this year. We kept it quiet with Ty's and I think we'll do the same. With Jacob the only difference is I have no energy to make a cake so we will have to buy a carrot cake this year. We also plan on buying him a gift and bringing balloons to his grave but I also work that day so I don't know if we'll do it on the 5th or the 7th.
I feel horrible but I'm just emotionally and physically exhausted with grief, I can't do it. Everything constantly reminds me of him and Ty, I live with it everyday of my life. I honor them every day of my life and I remember them every day of my life and I hope the boys understand that I just can't do anything big and exciting like a lot of people do. I don't have that in me at this point.
I'll see what next week brings though, maybe I'll find some energy or strength...