One thing I don't understand and have been trying to figure out is how the doctors can say that what happened with Matea has nothing to do with what happened to Ty. How can they say that when they have no clue what happened to Ty, they have speculated and sure he had kidneys and fluid but he was never checked after 25 weeks so whose to say they didn't stop working? They don't know. I fail to believe Stephen and I have so much bad luck that we would have two "fluke" accidents happen to our children. One has a chance of 1 in 150 and the other as rare as 1 in 8000, I mean really? For both to happen to us and have no correlation, I just don't believe the doctors can look me in the eye and say it is not related at all and that we just have some really bad luck.
Another thing, I got it with Ty, he brought us closer as a couple, brought our family closer together, brought us closer to God, gave us a purpose in life (through his non-profit to help other stillbirth families) there was so much good from his short little life but with Matea I do not get it. What could we possibly gain from loosing our second child that we didn't learn with our first, except of course, more heartbreak. I'm sure we may never know but I just do not get it this time. What is the reason? Why do we have to experience even more tragedy when all we want is a family to raise and love. Why? It's the million dollar question.
Some people have mentioned we should get support from families who have gone through this, to them I say where on earth do I find a "support" group for women who are going through this? Most women choose to end pregnancies that have a fatal prognosis, where are the women that choose to carry despite the outcome? It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, I thought finding support for stillbirth after loosing Ty was hard, this is by far much harder. Unlike Ty's stillbirth, we are very alone in going through this as a couple with no support from another couple who has been through the same thing. We do have great support, but just not from people who have been through this.
I thought a lot last night about the words diagnosis versus prognosis, definitions I wish I did not have to learn. Diagnosis is the term given to a certain condition (in Matea's case - Bilateral Renal Agenesis) and prognosis is the outcome of the diagnosis (Matea - fatal, eminent death) Where is the hope in either? Why do people just choose to sweep possibility out the door? We have all heard the stories of miracle babies surviving despite their fatal prognosis, it has happened so doctors, please, cut us some slack when we have made the decision to find hope in our daughter. Respect us for our decision, even if you do not agree with it, it's hard enough to have to swallow the fact that we are going to have to bury our second child, just let us have some hope. Let me try everything I can, no one got anywhere by giving up and I won't give up. I will continue to rest and lay on my left side as much as possible, I will drink insane amounts of fluid and I will pray, pray that next time we go see the doctor there will have been a slight change in amniotic fluid in that it has increased, I know it is a slim chance but it is one I am willing to take. Tonight's thinking topic - genetic testing.