Mental health is something a lot of people feel they need to hide. They feel it's a shame to struggle and not have total control over your mind. Mental health is something that is in my family and up until now I didn't fully understand it. Mental health is such an issues in our society. The government spend so much money on people with mental health, actually no, they do NOT spend enough on people with mental health and I know this from experience. I am not ashamed that I have had to go on medication, that I have had to see counselors, social workers, therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists. I will never hide the fact that I searched out help because it is not something I should feel ashamed about. I have gone through a live altering change and just as I was coming out of that, I was hit with another. What I use to know and think are gone, they have been wiped from my mind. Everything is gone. How do I cope with all of this new stuff that I've never had to deal with before? How do I learn to handle my anxiety and my sob fest? How do I learn to love myself again because loosing the boys has done a number to my self esteem. There are people out there who help people in my situation but there are a lot of problems with getting help. Firstly, the "free" help we get does nothing. For example, seeing my counselor, we only get 4 free visits. Seeing the psychiatrist is free but he is only there 15 minutes every month to see how I am doing on my meds. Once you leave the hospital they have no interest in you so no appointments with social workers is possible. This leaves one with having to pay for help. Um...don't know about anyone else but not having worked for a year, yeah I can't afford to pay for help. Not only that, even the paid help is hard to get into see. No one has reached out to help us, my help is only because I have sought it myself. It is only because I have pushed myself to seek the resources I need. Had I not had that motivation (like many do not) I would be falling into a deep dark hole I probably would never get out of. This is where there is a huge problem in mental health care. If the government would take the time to pay for more programs to actually help people (not just give them happy pills) then we wouldn't have so many people on the street, people who struggle every day and can't afford or don't have the motivation to look for resources.
My mental health may only be "situational" as everyone keeps saying but I have no doubt that it will be life long. How could my mental state ever go back to what it was? What if we go through another pregnancy and have another loss? Or, if God blesses us, what if we bring a child home? You don't think my self esteem that has been shot will be tested time and time again. I will always worry even more than I did before. I will protect more than I should and worry that it's affecting my children in a negative way. I will never forget my Ty and Jacob. I will never forget the horror and pain I have experienced in the last year. My mental health is and always will be altered from this day forward, well, from October 14th, 2010 (the day we found out we lost Ty) forward. It isn't "situational", my severe depression may be "situational" but I will never be the same. For the rest of my life my mental health will always be an issue. It is only because I have the motivation to go look for help that I am not in bed every single day. It is only because I have reached out that I am able to get up every morning. But even then, my resources are very limited by government funding. I'm very thankful to know I need help and to search for it and not be ashamed I am seeking help. I need it, I don't know how to get through this on my own. I've never dealt with such tragedy and just when I thought I was getting on with one I was struck with another. I can't pick up, I can't leave off where I started, it will never be the same. No amount of time will ever make things better. My mind will always be different. I can only pray that I am able to continue reaching out to resources that help and I am so very thankful for places like Bereaved Families (who are a free service) especially because they have been the most helpful. There's just something about being around people who get it. I am not ashamed of my mental health and neither should anyone else be. Don't let people stigmatize mental health. People with mental health issues happen to be very strong, smart, intelligent people who simply have gotten so tired from trying so hard to be strong. Many of them do not have the courage to seek out but I did. I know I need help and I have no shame in that. I refuse to let my mental health get the better of me because the government won't financially help me.