The worst day of the year, the day where you are constantly reminded of what should be instead of what is. I can remember this being the hardest day after loosing Ty, even though I was pregnant with Jacob. The last two mothers days I have been a mother, carrying life inside me and today those two little lives are in Heaven and my womb is empty. It's not the same when you have no earthly children. No one today would have guessed that I am a mother. I wasn't surprised with breakfast in bed with a toddler and baby needing to be changed and fed. I wasn't pulling my hair out from being exhausted nor was I craving time alone to myself. I don't understand the mothers who, on mothers day, want a day to themselves, a day away from their children. I get that children are a lot of work and a day to yourself would be nice but do that on your birthday. You are celebrating Mother's Day simply because you are a mother, that means you have children. Surround yourself with your children don't spend the day away from them. Be thankful you get to hug and kiss your children and say goodnight to them.
I always dread this day but it wasn't as bad, perhaps because I am a pro at it. I'm use to putting on the fake smile and pretending like everything is okay or maybe my boys are giving me extra strength to get through the day. I haven't cried though there have been many times where I start to get teary eyed. It's just been a blah day. Our plan was to wake up at 8 and head to Cora's, thinking that early it wouldn't be as busy. I guess my body decided it needed sleep instead (I got over 13 hours of sleep) and we didn't wake up until 10...opps. I still wanted breakfast so we decided to head to Denny's, thinking it was out of the way so it wouldn't be as busy...HA. It was busy and filled with moms and moms to be but it didn't take that long. I had no idea what I wanted so I ended up getting a BLT with fries and gravy (Canadian thing) It was REALLY good and I got my new favourite drink. A lot of restaurants are coming out with summer drinks and so far three places we have been have a strawberry/mango puree mixed with lemonade....OMG it is sooo good! I'm already addicted to these. It kind of reminds me of Ty because I craved very very sour things with him. I could never find anything sour enough but war heads did some close.
After breakfast we stopped in at the walk in clinic for a quick visit (can thank a UTI for that) but they didn't find anything right away so until the culture is done lots of pain for me. I also picked up some straight cranberry juice since it is suppose to help but WOW that stuff is TART! I'll still make myself drink it though to help and wait to hear what the doctor says. We actually found a really good walk in clinic that is close to us so that was the plus for the day.
Headed to Remark afterwords and got myself a Mother's Day dinner which consists of Pizza, Black Cherry Soda and Rice Pudding. I told Stephen he is lucky. I did not require much today. I told him I just wanted a card and a back massage. I did thank him for working very hard so I could afford to buy myself the few gifts I did. I bought the earrings (and received the matching necklace as another gift) a forget me not bracelet that has real forget me not seeds in them (and a little feather to match my earrings and necklace) a pair of Queasy Beads since having had the boys I am in a constant state of barfness and don't feel like wearing the ugly grey bands all the time, my yellow purse, my yellow dress and my black flower flip flops. All in all I'd say Stephen did a great job earning the money so I could buy myself a few things!
Went to see the boys afterwords and dropped of their new garden statue, had some new flowers from Gracie's parents....came home and relaxed. Not much happening tonight, relaxing, taking it easy, drinking a lot of cranberry juice and trying to stay ahead of the battle with the ants. We had this problem last year too and the hubby refuses to let me kill them, well ants are a bit more difficult to control then mice (and don't tell him, last year I had to kill quite a few because there were wayyyy tooo many) this year I hope by spraying deterrents where they are coming in, it'll cut down on the having to squish them.
So today was not nearly as bad as I thought, I do believe there comes a point in ones grief where you have simply cried so much you have no tears left. I think today I hit that mark......