Well I'll start of by saying whatever gender our baby turns out to be they will be clothed! I was on a mission to find used applecheeks diapers this morning (it failed) but one of the places I stopped (Once Upon a Child) had a clearance going on with racks full of clothes for $1....let's just say that I got a sweet deal on a whole wardrobe for a girl and some more for a boy. At least our baby will have clothes to wear, maybe not diapers but clothes. It seems impossible to find used cloth diapers (the covers not the linings) I found some ladies in Ottawa that can ship them to me for about half price but it'll take a whole lot of trust because its on Kijiji. I figure it's only a few dollars if not...but I would hope most people on there are trustworthy. So I have to order them from other cities and have them shipped here. I guess no one in London uses them or sells them other then Cheeky Monkey. I may have to look for a few other brands as well to supplement the fact we can't get that many but I know we are going with cloth because we did a cost comparison and for regular diapers for a year is about $1600 and for a full time set of cloth is about $400....so we'll save at least $1200. Of course once I start to do it (we do not have a washer and dryer so it will be cleaned by hand) I may find it is very time consuming and have to do part time. But it'll still save some money.
Okay now to our appointment. We had an appointment with the medical director for the NICU. We were hoping to have some questions answered but really all we got was....well it will depend on what happens when the baby gets here. The nice thing was he did take us on a tour of the NICU and show us where the baby would be brought and the machines that would be used. He explained about the different machines for the lungs and if the baby needs dialysis then it would be on a different floor but he told us about the IV's and monitoring and all that kind of medical stuff. No mater if I have a vaginal or c-section I will be in one of the operating rooms because it is right next to the resuscitation room so we'd need direct access to that given our situation. Stephen can go with the baby right after it is born and be with the baby at all times. We decided to have the lungs tested first to see if there is any chance they can survive, if so then we agreed to do everything else after that but we didn't want our baby to be unnecessarily poked and prodded if the lungs have no chance. We saw the resuscitation room and the NICU room the baby would be brought too. We actually saw all the NICU rooms (level 1, 2 and 3) and all the special machines. I have to say it took ALL my strength not to break down and cry. To see those helpess little babies (there were babies there so tiny and fragile) broke my heart, to see all the scary looking medical machines knowing our baby may need to be in one (actually we were told he would be for observation given everything that has happened) scared me, I'm so scared for our little one. It was a shock to see everything but I am glad I did now so we know what to expect. We saw a baby with a breathing machine (ventilator) so we know what it looks like and yes it still will be hard seeing our baby but at least we know what it will look like. I keep praying our baby beats all the odds and doesn't need any ventilator assistance. Some light oxygen is okay but I pray the lungs are fine.
He did mention one case a long time ago where the baby had NO kidneys and the lungs were okay so it gave me a small sight at a chance. Of course with God anything is possible, I know this but it is a very hard balance. I forgot to ask about fetal hiccups. I wanted to know if it was an indication about lung development. Our baby gets them a lot! We didn't get to see where the baby would be brought if the kidneys needed dialysis but at 34 weeks we meet with the pediatric kidney specialist to discuss everything with them. I don't have many questions for them because I know we have to wait and see what level of function the kidneys have (through ultrasound and blood tests about a day or two after the baby is born)
One thing the neonatologist did mention was that he recommends NOT getting the steroid shots. I have read and heard so many good things about them this was a hard one for me to hear but he of all people would know. He said he recommends not doing it to give the lungs the best chance at developing. From what our OB told us it does make a bit of sense because the shot doesn't develop the lungs it helps the transition between womb and breathing in oxygen so he was going to talk to our OB about this and let him know his thoughts. I guess we may be on board with no shots if it means it'll stop the lung development, unless I have to deliver before 34 weeks. So no shots now......
I usually feel better after talking to the doctors but not today. Honestly I think it was because we saw even more reality of what may happen. The NICU tour was very hard emotionally, I just pray we won't need any of the fancy medical machines and the baby can be in the level 1 NICU. But it was tough to see all of that. It did give me some hope, again I always have hope and lots of it because God is on my side, but its a hard balance. To know some of those babies were born at 22 weeks and ours won't be born until 37, I just pray our baby is okay. I don't see how he can't be. I guess the other thing was he couldn't really answer our questions because like we know, we won't know anything until the baby is born. I guess now we can think of some things to ask the kidney specialist and prepare a few more things (I may sterilize the bottles today and get those ready) and just keep doing what we are doing. Praying, praying, praying....praying that the kidneys keep working and improving and that the lungs continue to develop so when our baby is born we can show everyone our miracle baby. A true miracle baby, only healed with the help of God.
So many questions still...the NICU tour was helpful and I am thankful we got it before hand (maybe I won't be as shocked) but it was so hard to see....so many emotions today, I think I just need to sit in a nice cool bath and cry. Today feels like a crying kind of day. We will keep doing everything we possibly can to give our baby the best chance and that's all we can do for now. Please keep praying for our miracle.